Movies are full of iconic characters, some of whom are known for their quick wit, cunning, and sharp intuition. We can all think of characters we’d love to have a drink with or break bread with and equally some characters we’d want to avoid like the plague.
However, there are a number of characters who, despite their many strengths, would make for terrible poker companions. While they might be good at the game of poker, these characters simply have traits that would make it foolish to sit down with them for a few hands of Texas Hold’em, Omaha, or Seven-card Stud.
James Bond – various
When you think of casinos and movies, you think of James Bond. We’ve seen various online casino games inspired in games, movies, and TV shows like 007. Many online casinos attract fans of the classic aesthetic of dark reds and golds, which were also staples of the 2006 hit Casino Royale.
Bond is known for being a master of poker and an expert in reading his opponents’ body language and behavior. He has a cool and confident demeanor at the table, which can make it difficult to tell whether he is bluffing or has a strong hand.
Additionally, he has a sharp mind and is adept at analyzing the odds and making quick decisions, which can give him an advantage in the game. He uses his charm and wit to distract his opponents and gain an edge. All of these factors combined make it challenging to beat Bond in any casino game, just ask Xenia Onatopp or Le Chiffre.
Tony Montana – Scarface (1983)
There might be many things you don’t know about Scarface, but you probably know spending time with Tony Montana would not be a good idea. The ruthless Cuban immigrant is not exactly known for his subtlety or restraint in any situation. He’s a hot-tempered, impulsive character who’s always looking for the next big score.
Playing poker with him would be a recipe for disaster – he’s likely to get angry and lose his cool at the slightest provocation, and he wouldn’t hesitate to do what’s necessary to get what he wants. Steven Bauer as Manny Ray, Michelle Pfeiffer as Elvira, and even Robert Loggia as Frank Lopez would make amiable poker adversaries, but not Montana.
The Joker – The Dark Knight (2008)
Considering Heath Ledger’s The Joker beat off Darth Vader, Hans Gruber, Sauron, and others to be voted the best movie villain of all time, it isn’t really surprising he makes this list. The Joker is a master of chaos and unpredictability.
He thrives on disrupting order and creating confusion, which would make him a tough opponent to play poker with. He’s likely to constantly change the rules of the game, mess with your head, and generally make a mockery of the entire process.
Axel Foley – Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
Axel Foley is a fast-talking, street-smart cop from Detroit who’s always getting himself into trouble. He’s a lovable character, but he’s not someone you’d want to play a structured game like poker with. He’s impulsive and easily distracted, and he tends to let his emotions get the best of him.
Playing poker with him would be a frustrating experience – he’s likely to give away his hand with his expressions, or just get bored and wander off.
Johnny Utah – Point Break (1991)
Johnny Utah is an FBI agent who goes undercover to investigate a group of surfers who may be involved in a series of bank robberies. He’s a talented athlete, but he’s not exactly a master of deception. In fact, there are many reasons to believe Johnny Utah is an awful FBI agent, and the deficiencies that make him bad at his job would likely transfer to the poker table.
Playing poker with him would probably be easy as he’s likely to give away his hand with his facial expressions, and he’s not particularly proficient at reading other people’s tells. While Keanu Reeves would no doubt be a fantastic person to play cards with, Utah might just be too much of a mark to provide any kind of challenge.
A few movie characters that would be terrible to play poker with and no doubt you can think of your own worst movie poker players that didn’t make our list.