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By Jon Springer | May 25, 2002

George Lucas’ “How To Get a Gorgeous and Powerful Female to Fall in Love With You in 10 Easy Steps”
1. (General personality) Be a whining, sniveling little prick.
2. (Maturity) Throw temper tantrums when Obi-wan doesn’t let you “get your way.” Say things like “He doesn’t understand me,” or “He treats me like a kid,” and “He’s just jealous of me.”
3. (Appearance/Grooming) Hair braide – like those “tails” from the 80s.
4. (Moral Disposition) (a) Massacre an entire village of men, women and children Tuskans (b) Explain to your diplomat girlfriend how the Universe really needs an all powerful despot who will rule with an iron fist.
5. (Physical Prowess) must be able to “tear the ears off a Gundark”
6. (Humility) talk all the time about just how “great” you are – how you will ultimately become THE MOST POWERFUL JEDI in the entire galaxy!
7. (Charm) Talk about sand.
8. (Sweet Talk) “I’ve been in pain ever since we met” – that one gets ’em every time.
9. (Intelligence) Suggest having a secret affair in the midst of about 500 mindreading Jedis.
10. (Talent) Not a requirement.
– Jon Springer is a Star Wars fan and has seen Attack of the Clones only once. He is also the webmaster for Cricket Films.
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