It’s perplexing that another year has gone by so fast, but we have ourselves another Found Footage Festival, which celebrates its tenth anniversary with a brand-new show and DVD (Volume 7). Hosts Nick Prueher and Joe Pickett, whose credits include The Onion and the Late Show with David Letterman, tour their new lineup of found video clips and live comedy to over 80 cities in the U.S., Canada, and Europe.
To those still in the dark about this yearly event, this is the tenth collection of videos Joe and Nick have compiled from endless VHS tapes they find at thrift stores, yard sales and donations, to bring you the most action packed two hour show you might ever see. And this year is no different. I dare say it might be the most shocking collection they’ve compiled yet, that should be leaving audiences screaming on their giant tour.
The experience of seeing it live in a theatre or bar is the best way to experience these since the crowd reaction is usually fierce as Joe and Nick host with biting commentary. The two have also integrated themselves into the collection by being fake guests on various morning shows, as Nick pretends to be a holiday chef, turning the news into a complete mess. Morning news is slowly becoming easy prey to these two jokesters. God bless ’em.
Here’s a rundown of what’s in store for FFFV7, which claims to be their most extreme show yet (yes that is possible):
This kicks the show off with a giant bang. A collection of clips from one at home training tape on how to deliver puppies. I don’t want to give the joke away, but this already starts the show down a dark road that promises language and body parts never seen in a FFF.
EXERCISE VIDEO MONTAGE
This is the 10th exercise video compilation, and it still never gets old. A rapid fire edit of ’80s and ’90s instructionals, from working out by shredding on the bass or nude stretching with your partner (featuring one of the body parts warned of earlier) to a butt workout shot in close-ups. The whole thing ends with a disturbing nasal exercise video.
THE KOIN 6 NEWS TEAM
Like the best blooper reel from Anchorman, this collection is amazing. Joe and Nick acquired this video from an employee of a local news station who had tons of footage of what goes on during commercials. From the most boring conversations to the biggest temper tantrums, these TV personalities can go from friendly to violent once they are off-air.
SONGS THAT WILL BE STUCK IN YOUR HEAD FOREVER
The title doesn’t lie. A collection of videos featuring catchy tunes to illustrate the tape’s subject matter. Don’t Talk to Strangers looks like a video that would play behind karaoke lyrics featuring various uncle-looking dudes. “Don’t talk to strangers. There could be danger..” The song ‘Candypants’ sung by what looks to be Dolemite’s ghost from a public access show. One sound about eating kosher. And the catchiest of all: Totally Tulips, a theme for a foamy stick pen for drawing on clothes. It’s like an acid trip from Full House.
PUBLIC ACCESS TV
A personal favorite, which is slowly going away due to lack of demand. Mostly from Los Angeles and New York, this collection features such gut busters as: Super Chino, a Mexican band that looks like Kiss on a budget. A few lonely men singing to camera and some odd lip syncing to pre recorded tracks. A strange dog wedding puppet show. And last is FFF’s newest star: Thomas Odatey, who goes from a mild mannered host on episode one, but by episode three he completely loses his shit.
HOW TO HAVE CYBER SEX ON THE INTERNET
A video from the good people at Cimetar Video, who specialized in fad and trending issues of the day to make a quick buck. This video takes you step-by-step through internet sex much like your grandma would. The best part is the video company has no real computer graphics to illustrate the screen so they must show type via bad video effects. Some nudity, but mostly just sad narration.
VHS COVER SLIDESHOW
The newest FFF tradition, where the covers are better than the actual footage on the tape. A lot of ninja videos. All featured in their new book, VHS: Absurd, Odd, And Ridiculous Relics From The Videotape Era
THE TOM LEWANDOWSKI SHOW
A high school TV production class assignment preserved for our entertainment. This basically turns into a long infomercial for the Insane Clown Posse since that’s all these two guys end up talking about. A gem.
JOHN & JOHNNY 2014
The return of John and Johnny! footage from the old days of the first Home Shopping Network-esque show on the AVN Network. Like watching two slimy guys trying to pick up the same girl at a bar. They sell everything from ‘Ferarri’ sunglasses to Pine Moose coat racks. This leads to Joe and Nick tracking these two down and having a video reunion, complete with challenging the two to sell items on screen picked by the boys.
Hidden gems found on personal videotapes from people who taped shows off TV. Short clips of commercials and news reports, including The Dangers of PMS. A lot of QVC clips featuring a young Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs hosting with utter disdain for the products he’s selling. Topped off with a news report of Nick Nolte going in for a physical.
HOW WE SPENT OUR SUMMER JOBS
Joe and Nick were recently asked by a cable network to write/produce/edit a reality show about rattlesnake hunters in Texas. They both eventually quit, and the show was never aired, but they kept all the footage they kept in a “gross” folder on their computers every time somebody coughed or spit. Gross and hypnotizing.
Tony Little was that pony tailed guy you’d see late at night on various workout infomercials. Here’s a quick cut of him through the years, yelling the same catchphrases over time, and over many different retro hairstyles.
Excerpts from a 4 hour video of an anonymous guy in North Carolina who finds a stick in the woods he calls a “club.” That’s it. the entire thing is just him talking and obsessing on this piece of wood, showing it to friends then getting upset if their hands aren’t clean. Rumor has it that there is 12 hours of video somewhere in the world of the rest of this saga.
Now things get dark. Literally. A compilation of clips compiled from nursing videos on how to properly extract fecal matter from patients. ‘Nuff said.
Marc Morrone returns with his absolutely insane pet show. He basically puts together every pet from his pet store and piles them together on a table the size of a door. It’s like watching Russell Crowe in Noah if he only had a canoe. If you love or hate animals, it’s just as funny.
Nick drew the short straw on this stunt as he goes onto various talk shows as a celebrity chef who tells the audience what to do with holiday leftovers. Which means putting all of them in a blender and serving them as a snack in used milk jugs. The punchline is when he makes the TV anchors try his gross concoction, which they always do. Instant classic.
An amazing festival as always. The boys will be coming to your town as the tour runs till the end of September. Be there AND be square.