By Ron Wells | October 14, 2002

You know, someone may have taken the suggestion to “make some friends” a little too literally. In Lynn Hershman Leeson’s “Teknolust”, Tilda Swinton (who will apparently act in anything that looks even remotely “edgy”) stars as nerdy scientist Rosetta Stone. She’s not the most outgoing soul, so one day she produces three color-coordinated Self-Replicating Automatons using her own DNA named Ruby, Marine, and Olive (all played by Swinton).
Unfortunately, the new girls have a couple of problems. First, they need a steady supply of male chromosomes to survive. Apparently SEX is the most efficient way of procuring these required nutrients. As her sisters don’t yet have immune systems strong enough for the outside world, Ruby collects what she needs from the condoms her partners use and brews the contents into what I’m sure is a very tasty tea.
Aaaaaanyhoo, problems arise. It seems Ruby is able to pass on some kind of computer virus to her unwitting gene suppliers, leaving them impotent after a few couplings and a barcode on their foreheads. This leads to an investigation by Agent Hopper (James Urbaniak) and Dirty Dick (Karen Black) entangling Rosetta, and newly independent personalities for the girls. This all leads to complications, misunderstandings, way too much hipster nonsense, and absolutely no nudity. Obviously, a lot of people wasted a lot of their time (including mine) on something very inconsequential. Leeson must have had some money, some talented friends, or a little of both. Too bad she didn’t have a good enough reason to exploit any of it. Too bad. If you’ve got the opportunity to have someone as talented and game for anything as Swinton, you really owe it to her to give her a real movie to be in.

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