SUCKER Image

SUCKER

By admin | July 23, 2000

Hmmm…A wannabe punk band consisting of three vampires, their necrophilious henchman/manager, and hordes of groupies who are too thrilled to be backstage with the band to stop and think they might be vampires. Sounds like an excuse for soft porn to me, and I guarantee this synopsis is quite accurate. I just hope the guys that made this film have so much money they can simply make spoofs like this and get off on how pointless they are. And if so, where can I pick up a contract?
The film follows the band’s henchman who is perhaps the only amusing (and very slightly so) character in this film. He works days at a hospital morgue, and collects the bodies of women the band uses and kills, then disposes of them. Of course, this is after he has sex with them and takes pictures of his conquests. Ok, so it’s really not that tasteless of a film, just utterly pointless, and lacking any semblance of humor which would be the only reason for its absurdity.
Plot??? Well, I suppose. All the while the band is being hunted down by a vampire slayer who poses as a groupie, and the lead singer contracts HIV from one of his victims. Of course, this scares the henchman who has been having a little postmortem fun with the girls, so he changes his lifestyle and jaunts off to sail the world with the lab technician who tested him. True Cinema indeed.
I just can’t believe someone didn’t drive a stake through this film’s heart before the very first scene was even shot. I’ve got some advice about filmmaking for Mr. Rodionoff, taken from his own vampire henchman: “The world of the living is no place for a big dumb stiff-humper.”

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