Okay, first off, the French is wrong. Then it’s all downhill after that for this blatantly minor league knock-off of “Mission Impossible”…as if that lame Tom Cruise clunker wasn’t enough of a disaster. Ethan Hunt (Lee
Zatkovic) leads a bland bunch of top-secret operatives as they battle for truth and justice. Teamed with a bunch of other ex-frat boy stars of this train wreck (friends of director Lenny Daniel, I’m guessing), Hunt skips a convoluted “infiltrate Russia and China to save the world for democracy” mission. Instead, they opt to break into a long distance phone company to remove their boss’ name from its sales list. Oh, this was a guffaw a minute, I tell ya. A veritable laugh riot. And I mustn’t forget the bad guys, speaking in fake accents so horrid they bordered on being offensive,
mistakenly blowing up a government building as a “gag.” Not funny, first of all, but with Oklahoma City still fresh in everyone’s mind, it’s just in plain poor taste. Daniel compounds this fundamental problem — a lame, completely humorless plot — by taking it all way too seriously. Without the money, creativity or the know-how to have the spy squad do anything amusing, impressive or even interesting, this cast of wooden soldiers simply spends 20 or 30 minutes “tracking” Ethan’s progress from their command post (an editing suite). Oh, and they talk to one another on walkie talkies which bear a suspicious resemblance to cell phones. When they’re not spewing utterly insipid dialogue, that is. In short, what makes this mission so impossible is the fact that nothing happens…and it happens very, VERY slowly.

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