What is wrong with this world?
I am never amazed at what I find on the internet. Never, until now. I like to surf the internet; hanging ten on the waves on technology. The other day, I was kicking it on one of my favorite websites when an ad caught my eye. It was a small-classified type ad that said, “CleanFlicks – The leading provider of Edited Hollywood movies.”
Edited Hollywood movies? I thought it was a joke so I clicked on it to see the punch line. The punch line was, it wasn’t a joke – these people were serious. It was a website, styled much like Netflix, dedicated to sharing stupidity to parents all across the country.
I remember various media publications discussing this issue a while back but then, like many other news subjects, it vanished into oblivion.
Check the website out for yourselves. CleanFlicks.
After you’re done glancing how white and pure that family is at the top of the screen, you might be interested to know what exactly they remove from films. To quote the site:
We edit out: Profanity This includes the B-words, H-word when not referring to the place, D-word, S- word, F-word, etc. It also includes references to deity (G-word and JC-words etc.), only when these words are used in a non-religious context. Graphic Violence This does not mean all violence, only the graphic depictions of decapitation, impalements, dismemberment, excessive blood, gore etc. Nudity This refers to male and female front and back nudity. Sexual Content This includes language which refers to sexual activity or has sexual connotation. It also includes visual content of a graphic or stimulating nature.
I’m not the smartest person in the world, nor am I a parent, but aren’t films that have such things made for a more mature audience? Amongst the various films they have on their list, are Wedding Crashers and The Passion of the Christ. I’m pretty sure when Wedding Crashers was in pre and postproduction, there was never any talk of it being suitable for children. It’s a rated R comedy through and through, as is The Passion but that film is all about the violence, which also isn’t suitable for kids.
Why would a parent want to show their kids a film that isn’t suitable for them? I don’t care how it’s edited; you’re not going to take the subject matter out, are they? Like, instead of Wedding Crashers being about two guys crashing every wedding possible in order to get laid, are they just going to each wedding to show their affection for romance?
And if you take all of the violence out of The Passion, like the website claims it does, wouldn’t that make the film about 23 minutes long? What’s the point of that?
Filmmakers use violence and profanity and nudity because they have to. They make these films for adults, not children.
It’s pretty remarkable that studios aren’t even making a big stink over this much these days. I even wondered how this legal and how they even edited these films. Where they studio approved? Looking in the FAQ section on CleanFlick’s website, I read the following question and answer (noticed how they spelled “scratched” wrong – let’s protect our kids from violence but who cares if they can’t spell worth a damn):
Why do DVDs skip or freeze when they aren’t skratched?
Some older DVD players have a harder time keeping up with burned discs. Even DVD players that are a year or two old have these problems. Try playing the DVD in a newer machine.
Aside from their spelling error, I was utterly perplexed by this. So, they take movies, edit them to their standards, then burn them on plain CDRs. And this is somehow perfectly legal?
Parents today are truly remarkable people. I’m not talking about every parent… I’m talking about the morons who think it’s okay to rent Get Rich or Die Tryin’ (another film on their fantastic list of choices) for their 7 year-old kid just because the violence and naughty words are missing. Thematically, there are still issues you might not want to subject someone that young to.
But who am I to judge. I don’t have kids, nor do I work for a film studio. I am just a writer for the film world. I guess I’ll just stop complaining now and go home and watch an edited copy Saving Private Ryan, with the whole D-Day sequence missing like it was erased from existence, like it never happened.
I’d love to see how CleanFlicks fixed Schindler’s List. Can you imagine it? Schindler’s List without all of that pesky Holocaust malarkey spoiling a good time in front of the television with my family.