What is wrong with this world?

I am never amazed at what I find on the internet. Never, until now. I like to surf the internet; hanging ten on the waves on technology. The other day, I was kicking it on one of my favorite websites when an ad caught my eye. It was a small-classified type ad that said, “CleanFlicks – The leading provider of Edited Hollywood movies.”

Edited Hollywood movies? I thought it was a joke so I clicked on it to see the punch line. The punch line was, it wasn’t a joke – these people were serious. It was a website, styled much like Netflix, dedicated to sharing stupidity to parents all across the country.

I remember various media publications discussing this issue a while back but then, like many other news subjects, it vanished into oblivion.

Check the website out for yourselves. CleanFlicks.

After you’re done glancing how white and pure that family is at the top of the screen, you might be interested to know what exactly they remove from films. To quote the site:

We edit out:

This includes the B-words, H-word when not referring to the place, D-word, S-
word, F-word, etc. It also includes references to deity (G-word and JC-words
etc.), only when these words are used in a non-religious context.

Graphic Violence
This does not mean all violence, only the graphic depictions of decapitation,
impalements, dismemberment, excessive blood, gore etc.

This refers to male and female front and back nudity.

Sexual Content
This includes language which refers to sexual activity or has sexual
connotation. It also includes visual content of a graphic or stimulating

I’m not the smartest person in the world, nor am I a parent, but aren’t films that have such things made for a more mature audience? Amongst the various films they have on their list, are Wedding Crashers and The Passion of the Christ. I’m pretty sure when Wedding Crashers was in pre and postproduction, there was never any talk of it being suitable for children. It’s a rated R comedy through and through, as is The Passion but that film is all about the violence, which also isn’t suitable for kids.

Why would a parent want to show their kids a film that isn’t suitable for them? I don’t care how it’s edited; you’re not going to take the subject matter out, are they? Like, instead of Wedding Crashers being about two guys crashing every wedding possible in order to get laid, are they just going to each wedding to show their affection for romance?

And if you take all of the violence out of The Passion, like the website claims it does, wouldn’t that make the film about 23 minutes long? What’s the point of that?

Filmmakers use violence and profanity and nudity because they have to. They make these films for adults, not children.

It’s pretty remarkable that studios aren’t even making a big stink over this much these days. I even wondered how this legal and how they even edited these films. Where they studio approved? Looking in the FAQ section on CleanFlick’s website, I read the following question and answer (noticed how they spelled “scratched” wrong – let’s protect our kids from violence but who cares if they can’t spell worth a damn):

Why do DVDs skip or freeze when they aren’t skratched?

Some older DVD players have a harder time keeping up with burned discs. Even DVD players that are a year or two old have these problems. Try playing the DVD in a newer machine.

Aside from their spelling error, I was utterly perplexed by this. So, they take movies, edit them to their standards, then burn them on plain CDRs. And this is somehow perfectly legal?

Parents today are truly remarkable people. I’m not talking about every parent… I’m talking about the morons who think it’s okay to rent Get Rich or Die Tryin’ (another film on their fantastic list of choices) for their 7 year-old kid just because the violence and naughty words are missing. Thematically, there are still issues you might not want to subject someone that young to.

But who am I to judge. I don’t have kids, nor do I work for a film studio. I am just a writer for the film world. I guess I’ll just stop complaining now and go home and watch an edited copy Saving Private Ryan, with the whole D-Day sequence missing like it was erased from existence, like it never happened.

I’d love to see how CleanFlicks fixed Schindler’s List. Can you imagine it? Schindler’s List without all of that pesky Holocaust malarkey spoiling a good time in front of the television with my family.


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  1. Hero Stew says:

    By the way. There is a legal editing system called Clearplay dvd players. The industry is actually okay with that system. Since it requires the patron to buy the regular disc and the dvd player itself edits while watching.

  2. Hero Stew says:

    I live a block from this place. I went in awhile back, before Mel Gibson closed them down, to buy Terminator for my 10 year old son. I asked where was the original disc. Since they claimed to buy one disc for each edited copy they did. He said he already destroyed. After paying $20 I never went back. Then they closed (because of the Mel Gibson case) and re-opened. I went in to ask how they had opened again. They said they had found a legal educational loop-hole. I was so digusted with them. One side had LDS/Mormon/Christian gifts. While the otherside had illegaly edited dvds. Now I know what their backroom was for.

  3. So I take it don’t like the act of pro-creation then.

    How utterly moronic this country has become.

    I guess I have to say it again – that s**t is in these movies for a reason. Why are you people so non-understanding and idiotic?

  4. Jaylin Scott says:

    What is so wrong with people who want a “cleaned” disk when the choice for watching the original is still there for everyone who may possibility want it. Some people who are ADULTS like myself, don’t watch Cleanflicks movies to protect kids, but because we don’t want to hear the filth. I’ve watched the Cleanflicks and regular versions of both Schindler’s List (my favorite movie) and Saving Private Ryan. The movies are more powerful to me in the Cleanflicks format because I’m not stuck hearing the swearing or thinking about Liam Neeson have sex with a naked girl on top of him when the movie is over. Instead, I can concentrate on the movie experience, on appreciating the Schindler and what he did. Cleanflicks does not edit out to such an extreme as has been suggested in previous posts. All of the unfortunate gore and inhumanity of the holocaust is still there. What is not there is the gratuitious sex and profanity. I, for one, enjoy a movie and its themes much more deeply when that crap isn’t there.

  5. David J. says:

    Cleanflicks a godsend to parents, bull!
    It is a way of cheapening a film expirience for god to agree with because that is what this company is really all about what will make god happy if I don’t watch the bad or naughty or obscene or gore or gritty film scenes maybe he’ll unlock his door quicker when I come.
    Noooooooooooo this will not change a damn thing I was watching r-rated films when i was 10 yrs old you say your parents are f-ed up no did it warp me in any way nope prepared me for the real world yes! I had a better underdtanding of life from film, film has been one of my best friends for a long time it makes me laugh cry and get angry and sad but most of all it keeps me company.Now to see some selfless company what to lobotomize my friend never. again have faith in film but not in a storybook religion.
    Cleanflicks is what sobriety is to a drug addict a false sense of hope.

  6. Thanks for the response John but I am sorry, a movie like “Butterfly Effect” or “Blow” wasn’t made for your kid. Thematically, no matter how many naughty “f-words” are taken out, there are still issues here. In “Blow” for instance, do they cut out all the scenes of Johnny Depp sniffin’ coke? Sure he goes to jail at the end… but look at how much fun he had until he got there. Remember John, not every kid is going to learn a lesson watching that movie. You may think your kid will but don’t be surprised if he or she thought some of that stuff was cool.

    If this is the easy solution for parents, what about the countless amount of family films that are out there for the taking? Instead of showing your kid “Wedding Crashers” or “Blow”, why don’t you go with something like “Over The Hedge”? I know that isn’t out on DVD at this time but there are other films that are.

    Better yet, why don’t you show your kid how to read? (Just don’t teach them how to read on the CleanFlicks site, as they can’t spell certain words)

    And what’s the purpose of ratings anymore then? Why rate films when some conservative company in Utah is just going to butcher them up for you?

    Is it me or is parenting getting lazier and lazier by the year? I am not that old but I remember when I was a kid, my parent wouldn’t allow me to see certain films. My mom once chose “Gorillas in the Mist” over “Lethal Weapon 2” not just because it was rated R and no one was around to censor it, but because there is some subject matter my mind wouldn’t fully appreciate at that time. Things like Apartheid. Is your kid going to understand that when you show them the “Godsend” version, as you call it? I’m willing to bet a quarter that they won’t.

    You might be saying, “But I’d learn my kids about the seregation of South Africa.” But how many parents aren’t?

    You sound as if you either work for one of these “editing” companies or you are a strict conservative parent thankful for something so ridiculous. Either way, I’d like to be around your house next Friday night when you show your kids the 28-minute cut of “The Devil’s Rejects.”

    If you want to show your kid a Rated-R flick, why don’t you show them something that will actually learn them a life lesson? Run to the nearest store and pick up a copy of “Requiem for a Dream” and “Kids” – the Un-rated versions. With “Requiem” as a teaching tool (instead of “Blow”), I’m willing to bet a dollar that your kids won’t think drugs are cool anymore after that movie, and maybe it’ll end up preventing them from even trying any to begin with.

    That film will teach you a lesson that “Blow” couldn’t even dream of.

  7. John says:

    Edited movies are a godsend to parents. While some movies should not thematically be seen by children adn teens (and maybe even adults), many have stupidly offensive and obscene parts that do nothing for the story and with these removed the movie becomes a great family movie. There are many, many examples, but two that stand out are “Butterfly Effect” (some 100+ F-words removed and graphic sex scenes) and “Blow,” the latter becoming a great lesson on the rise and fall of the cocaine and drug trade via S.A. into California, etc. These movies stimulate good conversation with teens, without subjecting them to needless elements. No one is hurt by this activity. The studios and artists get their money. The family could edit these for themselves with the right equipment — but they instead for convenience have a service do it. It’s that simple.

    The movies are burned onto DVD-R format.

    Judge Matsch of Denver, CO is soon to rule on a permanent injunction summary judgment motion in the almost 4-year legal battle over this activity. Sadly, it is expected the edited movie companies that produced a “fixed disc” will not survive the ruling, but with appeals it will depend on the ability to get a stay during appeal. Note that edited movie companies like ClearPlay ( that do not produce a fixed disc were made legal by the passing in April 2005 of the 2005 Family Movie Act, which was amazingly appended to the Movie Piracy Act which Hollywood wanted so desperately (it makes it a fine of some $250,000 and multiple year jail time for recording a movie in a movie theater) that it allowed the added Family Movie Act. However, the movie act may have called out fixed disc solutions as specifically illegal.

    That’s the true status of the industry.

  8. Don says:

    There was a special on these companies (there are more than one) on some cable channel… Studios and directors are upset and have tried to shut these places down with varying degrees of success based on how the company is set-up…

    The “smartest” ones (like Cleanflicks) has a “legal” system in place where they buy X copies of the film on DVD. Rip one, edit it, then burn X DVDs to make available on their sites. So they’re paying the studio for every disc they’re renting just like any other video store would. So it’s totally legal! Wait… no…

  9. gigi says:

    i got your point loud and clear and it’s valid. perhaps we might understand this if we both had children. you are speaking as someone opposed to censorship; i’m going off personal childhood experience. we both can’t totally argue completely this though until either one of us spits a kid out. so for now i guess we will have to slightly disagree. 🙂

  10. But these films aren’t made for children. Director’s don’t make films for them to be butchered by some unknown dude in Utah – like the people who work for CleanFlicks.

    Saving Private Ryan is a war film. Thematically, it’s still there. Kids aren’t stupid. Even without the guts, there is still enough there to scare.

    That’s my point.

  11. gigi says:

    i dont think it’s a totally bad idea lol. it is just an option for parents. i would like, f i had a kid, for them to see…oh say saving private ryan but would want to spare them the guts till later.
    my dad was an accident reconstructor for the state police and had to take photos. of course i got into them and it horrified me. also i watched some tom skerrit movie w/ my dad called “fighting back” or “striking back” where an old lady has her finger cut off to retrieve a ring during a robbery. i ran outside it freaked me out so bad. kids dont need all that crap.

  12. William Goss says:

    Lemme know when they tidy up Running Scared, so I can show it at daycare. There are some life lessons buried underneath all that FILTH!

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