Flowers loves Inez. Inez loves Druden. Edgar loves beating the s**t out of Inez. It’s nothing but fun and games in the Deep South when it comes to these folks. In fact, there’re a few seats on the stage of the Jerry Springer show all warm and waiting for these guys’ a***s. Let’s get ready to rumble.
Edgar and Inez live together in a loveless marriage. Inez just kinda lounges about the house while Edgar goes out robbing and stealing with his creepy looking buddy Flowers – not a very fitting name for this guy, unless you’re talking about a bunch of flowers that a bear just s**t on.
Anyways, when not catching s**t from Edgar and avoiding creepy advances from Flowers, Inez pays regular trips to an amateur mystic who tells her that her soul mate is just around the corner. Inez also spends plenty of her spare time cheating on Edgar with Durden, a young lawyer who she believes is this soul mate that the mystic is talking about. Edgar finds out about the affair Inez is having and intends to put an end to it, but not before Inez gets Flowers to take him out to the river and strangle his a*s. But then things just get crazier from there as Flowers insists on hanging around Inez constantly, looking like the Swamp Thing. At the same time, Durden turns out to be something of a turd. Gee, love is swell.
This little thriller is a slow potboiler, but unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot in the pot in the way of story. The production value is incredible and the performances are A-list, but for a thriller, there really is no…well, thrills, or suspense to warrant this being a full-length feature. I completely think “Briar Patch” would work out as a short, cut down to half its running time because honestly, it doesn’t take very long at all to figure out who Inez’s soul mate is going to end up being, so really you’re just watching a bunch of talented actors weeding their way through needless scenes. Feature length film bad. Short film good.