Sewer Gators Image

Sewer Gators

By Michael Talbot-Haynes | May 23, 2022

My central sticking point concerning Sewer Gators is that for a story built around alligators eating folks through the a*s, it didn’t have enough instances of said alligators eating a******s. I am not asking for what we used to call at the adult bookstore a “wall to waller,” but stretch the a*****e eating out to three times throughout the picture, one a*****e eaten for each act. Make each attack outdo the previous in how the alligator eats it graphically. You could shoot the final a*s eating from the perspective of inside the mouth of the alligator, for example.

“…fits the tastes of the special cookies and beer crowd.”

Better yet, film the eating from inside the a*****e. That way, we get to see the alligator chew its way in. If the budget doesn’t allow for that, then have the victims ram rubber alligator parts into their backsides and run around screaming. You could have a wiggling gator tail protruding from between the cheeks. You could also have someone pull one small gator after another out of their a*s while blood pours down their legs. Even the cheapest CGI rendering of these acts could burn your eyebrows off. Any actor would buy the ticket and ride that rubber gator stuck in the back of their pants to stardom.

Sewer Gators may currently wear the tarnished crown of a*****e-eating alligator movies, but it has nowhere to go but up with much more a*s-eating in a sequel. If not, then don’t be surprised if someone dreams up an imitation picture where the alligators are willing to eat many more a******s. The bayou is fertile with anus, and the audience is f****d up and rooting for the gator.

Sewer Gators (2022)

Directed and Written: Paul Dale

Starring: Manon Pages, Kenny Bellau, Austin Naulty, Police Sign, Sean Phelan, Bus the Dog, etc.

Movie score: 6/10

Sewer Gators Image

"…Dale has his finger on his target audience's tongue..."

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