Director Bart Vandever’s Fears of a Clown tracks a man chasing a unique dream while wrestling with debilitating OCD. It’s about pushing forward in life when the world and your mind find every way possible to hold you back.
Steve is a professional clown, though his act is unconventional. He works weekends at a steady clown gig for a juice shop in the Palisades, but that’s not the dream. Steve wants to build the world’s largest clown museum in Barstow, California. The museum is ready to go with hundreds of clown paintings and artifacts lining every inch of the building. The major roadblock to fulfilling his dream is the city of Barstow, and he describes the “corruption” in leadership. The city has stalled its opening for more than a year because of permitting issues, bureaucratic delays, and one holdup after another. But as Steve keeps chasing this dream, the clock and his bank account are running low.
Behind the scenes of the museum fight is the real story: Steve’s OCD, which started when he was a teenager after a traumatic event. He has what’s considered the worst kind of OCD—severe enough to count as a disability, capable of shutting him down completely at a moment’s notice. Fears of a Clown walks us through the origins of his condition, how it manifests, and how medication treats it.
Two significant events occur as the film plays out. Steve begins treatment with a behavioral therapist at UCLA, and we sit in on his sessions. We learn what goes on in his head and how small things can make him spiral out of control. The second story centers on the devastating Palisades fires, which completely burned down his only source of income—the shop where he worked—and caused his customers to disappear. Under the pressure of financial ruin and a museum that will not open because of government red tape, Steve faces one of the biggest challenges of his life.
“Steve wants to build the world’s largest clown museum in Barstow, California.”
No one is more compelling for a documentary than Steve himself. He’s a clown, he’s got OCD, and he’s got sheer determination to succeed (which might be aided by the OCD). Right from the start of Bart Vandever’s Fears of a Clown, you’re on Steve’s side. Sympathy oozes for a guy carrying a disorder most people barely understand while chasing a genuinely strange dream. The director shines a proper spotlight on the man while educating us about the facts surrounding OCD.
Vandever isn’t content with a surface-level approach to OCD, either. The film goes deep enough to feel like a textbook on the subject matter. We run the gamut of the condition. We dig into the social stigma that comes from people who just don’t understand the situation. Vandever takes the time to actually walk through Steve’s treatment rather than just pointing at the diagnosis and moving on as other documentaries and news pieces do.
The daily medication regimen is the film’s hardest part. To maintain “normality,” Steve is on drugs that give him some control over his life, but at a cost. He doesn’t feel like himself, and the energy just isn’t there — watching a guy trade his personality for stability is rough to sit through, and Vandever doesn’t flinch from showing it. There are real risks, too. Sitting in on Steve’s therapy sessions gives us a real look at what it’s like to manage a mind that can run a million miles an hour.
Bart Vandever’s Fears of a Clown is a tough, honest, and compassionate portrait of a man who won’t be perturbed by a city that is actively against him or the voices in his head that constantly condemn him for the sheer pleasure of it.
"…He's a clown, he's got OCD, and he's got sheer determination…"
