Bong Me Up, Scotty: Pairing Weed Strains With The Original Star Trek Movies Image

Bong Me Up, Scotty: Pairing Weed Strains With The Original Star Trek Movies

By Michael Talbot-Haynes | October 1, 2023

“Space, that big black thing with twinkles that is fun to get high to. These are the voyages of the Lungship Cereal Box Prize, launching from the Film Threat desert research lab. Its 8-hour mission to screen all four original Star Trek films with four different strains of weed. Its final aim is to determine which strain with which film will get you to where no brain has gone before!”

So, if this were the 1960s Star Trek show, we would now have that great operatic la-la-laaaa opening theme. As these will be the theatrical Star Trek movies, your endless starry void is going to be filled by endless horns from the blaring brass of the soundtracks — honk, honk, honk, all throughout. Trumpets in double rows like shark teeth, there to chew your nerves apart. This element dashes my dream of being able to drift off to sleep at night to my old VHS copies of films. So, to help get the groovy going, this lungship needs a gallant crew of brave strains to get this party started. And now, thanks to the groundbreaking work of The Source dispensaries in Nevada, such a crew has been assembled.

One of the most trusted weed sources in Vegas and throughout the Silver State, The Source celebrated Star Trek Day on September 8 with various marijuana strains they paired with Star Trek characters for cosplay purposes and more. I think this is genius. I have paired strains with movies for years, but I love the idea of pairing strains with fictional characters. It is like something from the cult masterpiece The Congress, where you can take drugs to feel like specific celebrities. It also opens up endless philosophical questions as to which strain is so hypnotic that you will become Counsellor Troi, with her naturally curly ESP and all.

Best of all, it gives me four strains grown by The Source’s in-house brands, CAMP and Flower House, to pair with the first four Star Trek movies. Let’s make this clear: we would not be able to explore the distant reaches of outer space without The Source identifying these strains in relation to trekking. All you mind voyagers know that when you hit Vegas, it is of the utmost importance to immediately stash up at a reputable dispensary, and The Source is an excellent choice. As time travel seems to be a chronic occurrence in all of the franchise’s incarnations, we will begin with the fourth movie and work our way backward.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home pairs with Grease Monkey:

You know weed has to go well with the “Save the Whales” Star Trek movie. Between the San Francisco in the 80s setting and the LSD jokes about Spock, the film already reeks of Pachouli. I remember this sequel was massive back in the day, especially since it followed the ’60s show blueprint of weaving real issues into sci-fi scenarios. It has aged badly, as a lot of what was brand spanking new about the storyline has now been retreaded into popcorn dust.

However, a fat nut of Grease Monkey will wake up your inner ’80s, so the film will rock your Amadeus. A cross between strain superstars Gorilla Glue #4 and Girl Scout Cookies, the Grease Monkey will plant a pair of wide eyes with a side of stupid grin as Kirk tries to save some humpbacks. The Source says if you want to feel like Scotty, this is the strain from Flower House to warp to. It will get you in exactly the right mindset for Scotty’s big scene with ancient P.C. desktops. It used to be a comedy sequence that was mostly funny to nerds but now has a universal gut laugh, especially with a smoldering log of Grease Monkey.

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