“STAR WARS THE PHANTOM EDIT”: THE FAN’S CUT

BEST OF 2001! Last month, rumors began circulating through Hollywood – someone, someone skilful in the art of film editing, had taken an off-the-shelf copy of “The Phantom Menace” and turned it into a good movie. Purportedly, they’ve managed to make the film more palatable to the original Star Wars generation by reducing Jar-Jar’s screen time and making him less inclined to crack poop-jokes. They’ve made Anakin Skywalker, the film’s central protagonist and the future Darth Vader, less brattish, and they’ve deleted superfluous scenes and masturbatory moments of gee-whiz visual-effects wizardry. George, welcome to the revolution!