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THE UNTITLED NEW YEAR’S ARTICLE

By | January 2004

Now is the time for resolutions. However, resolutions
are likely to be tossed out with New Year’s Eve’s empty beer bottles. Consider this then my hopes and wishes for a good new year, for myself, for other moviegoers and TV viewers, and for the world of cinema…

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THE UNTITLED NEW YEAR’S ARTICLE

Here we are. It’s now the New Year and I’m sure that many of you ended up with massive hangovers that made the aspirin companies cry with joy. Now...

I LOVE THE ASSHOLES!

Everyone loves assholes, right? I know I do. Just as long as they stay up there on that screen and don’t make any special appearances in the backseat...

FILM THREAT’S BEST & WORST OF 2003

In case you give a shit, here's our Best and Worst list of 2003. While other outlets treat their own lists as law, we like to think of our own as simply a...

FOOTAGE FETISHES: “BREAKIN’ 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO”

Pop. Lock. Repeat. Okay, quit snickering you assholes. As you all know, sequels are usually found to be qualitatively inferior when measured against the...

COMIC-CON 2003 PEEPING TOM

Another summer, another San Diego Comic-Con has come and gone…and another major ass-whoopin’ all of our wallets have taken. Once again, the Con...

EXCESS HOLLYWOOD: KEANU REEVES IS JESUS

I'll state it here and now: I hate Keanu Reeves. He's been in exactly one worthwhile movie ... ever. That was "River's Edge." I dislike the man so much...

A GLITCH IN THE FORCE

It’s been said Francis Ford Coppola once quipped to George Lucas that he might as well establish “Star Wars” as a religion due to the slavish...

STILL “DAZED AND CONFUSED” AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

Keep On L-I-V-I-N! “The older you get, man, the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N!” It’s...

EXCESS HOLLYWOOD: DAVID HASSELHOFF’S ASS PICKLES

One of my favorite scenes in Pulp Fiction involves Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta discussing the delicacies involved in going down on another man's...

STAR WARS: EPISODE III – ATTACK OF THE BAD HAIRCUTS

So reports are coming in that George Lucas is trying to tie “Episode III” to “Episode IV” through…haircuts. Yes, hairstyle is the glue that many...

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