The following contains spoilage about the 2006 motion picture Crank. If you haven’t seen it yet, put it in your Netflix queue and get it over with. It’s only 87 minutes long.
There were two films that came out in the year 2006 that punched me in the face with concrete boxing gloves. One, happened to be one of the year’s most under-appreciated films, the Paul Walker action flick Running Scared. Written and directed by Wayne Kramer, the film climbed to the level of over-the-top, then kept going.
Then, in the month of September, came a little flick with the same promise of over-the-top antics that Running Scared previously offered. Crank told the story of an assassin named Chev Chelios (played by Jason Statham) who is injected with something magical called “The Beijing Cocktail” which pumps your adrenaline up so much, your face explodes or something. But if Chev keeps his adrenaline up, like by standing on top of motorcycles like your Jean-Claude Van Damme or something, he’ll be alright for a little bit.
I swear, the premise for this movie sounds a bit like it was scripted by 13-year-old kid or something, but this theory can’t be proved as of this time. Never before has cinema been so ridiculous. That’s why I dub these two films – and the addition of Transporter 2 – the “Cinema of Ridiculousness.”
At the end of Crank, our hero pulls the villain out of a helicopter, breaks the dude’s neck in mid-air, then falls to his certain doom. This would have been a fantastic addition (and ending) to the Transporter franchise. But as Chev hits a car, then bounces on the ground, his heart gives out one last putter, before his eyes blink. He blinks! After falling out of a helicopter (in case you didn’t know by now, movies get super bonus points for having helicopters)!
“And you know the ‘is it a sequel or prequel’ question… IT’S A SEQUEL. We’re not selling out and going prequel. We are picking up where the last movie left off.”
So says filmmakers Brian Taylor and Mark Neveldine. My excitement is climbing – Crank is one of the best guilty pleasures ever made. I don’t care if Chev living defies any kind of logic possible – I’m pumped. And if the original team is behind it, I’ll be there opening day.