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WORST OF 2007…

By Felix Vasquez Jr. | December 27, 2007

Since I’m impatient, and I’m already finished with my list, I thought it’d be fun to post the ten worst films I saw in 2007. Granted, films like “Norbit” and “Are we Done Yet?” haven’t been included because I haven’t seen them, but keeping it in mind, this is the (truncated version of the) worst ten films of 2007 I saw. As always, I welcome debating and feedback.

10. Blood & Chocolate
For all intents and purposes Agnes Bruckner is still a fox, but this movie is more of her wasted potential.

9. A Mighty Heart
A manipulative and self-righteous portrait of a gruesome crime that I really ended up hating.

8. Rush Hour 3
Felix thinks “Rush Hour 3” sucked, Felix sat through this to review for someone and Felix had a hard time sitting through what was basically a repackaged pastiche of s**t from the first two movies. Felix thinks Chris Tucker needs to rethink his comedy schtick. The nineties are over.

7. Dan in Real Life
I’m convinced that Steve Carrell needs a great comeback, sorely. Hopefully “Get Smart” does the trick.

6. Dragon Wars
From under developed characters, boring villains who are evil for the sake of being evil, and a hilariously sympathetic ending. You have to hate it. I do.

5. The Hills Have Eyes II
This movie is so painfully bad that it convinced me to completely dismiss everything I ever liked about Wes Craven, who wrote the screenplay incidentally.

4. Captivity
The torture fad on its last legs, and Elisha Cuthbert is gunning for that Oscar by drinking the body part smoothie. Oh me oh my.

3. Rob Zombie’s Halloween
Or as I call it: “The Devil’s Rejects: Haddonfield,” both versions of Zombie’s Halloween were about as fun as constipation and will continue to rot like a piece of meat.

2. Margot at the Wedding
Smug, self-aware, self-indulgent and excruciating. When the most interesting moment of the film involves Nicole Kidman trying to pick a fly out of her ear, you know you’re in trouble.

1. Spider-Man 3
Peter Parker dancing in front of a clothing store, shooting at girls with his fingers, Mary Jane is a pure c**t, and don’t forget That 70’s Venom. No! It sucked on purpose! And if by some chance it did, it’s still the worst movie of 2007, and bar none one of the worst comic book movies ever made.

I like to think of it as “The age of Tranny Porn,” a year where one of the most mediocre movies ever made is graced by nearly everyone as a masterpiece. Go ahead, thrash at me, “Transformers: The Movie” was average at best, and by the last action packed half hour, I really didn’t give a s**t anymore.

Damn it, I loved “I Am Legend” up until the last hour. Will Smith changes my mind about his acting ability, and I absolutely fell in love with Samantha. Kudos, but it will always be that guilty pleasure for the horribly tacked on finale, and the ridiculously obvious CGI monsters. And there is of course “P2” a wonderful piece of B Grade horror about a psycho security guard who traps a busty blond woman in a parking lot during Christmas. Deliriously stupid, and yet so damn fun.

2007, what a year.

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  1. Nathaniel says:

    Felix, I alway enjoy reading your blogs. They are both highly intelligent and informative. I have no desire at all to see “Transformers”, because I think it will just ruin the fond memories I have of the animated series.

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