Perhaps the most moronic horror film I’ve seen this year, also happens to contain one of the best lines I’ve ever heard in a mainstream movie. When several film students are comparing the advantages and disadvantages of using latex make-up effects versus digital effects, one of the students says, “Digital sucks.” To which another student spouts back, “That’s not what your God George Lucas says.” And all conversation about the matter ends when the student bites back, “F**k George Lucas!” I cheered. The audience roared. Way to go Sony!
“Urban Legends: Final Cut” is a sequel to kind of a lame horror flick to begin with. This edition does not even try to connect in any way to the original other than the fact that the two are both based on urban legends. Here, the story focuses on a group of senior film students at Alpine University who are all after the prestigious Hitchcock award which basically guarantees a career in Hollywood. The lead female Amy (Jennifer Morrison) is no damsel in distress. She aspires to be a Hollywood director by concocting a script involving a murderer that kills his victims based on urban legends. Her friend Travis (Matthew Davis) has just completed his thesis film and when he receives a grade of “C” for the film, he kills himself. Or did he? Following his suicide, Amy gathers her crew to make her thesis film and they are killed off in quick succession.
Remember all those cliché’s they made fun of in the “Scream” films? Well, they’re back in full force here. When Travis’ twin brother returns the audience can’t help but laugh their a***s off at the ridiculousness of this scenario. Then there’s the ultra-cool black female security guard Reese (Loretta Devine) who loves old Blaxploitation movies. She provokes groans in every scene and sadly is never killed off. The real problem is that the film not only has one or two maguffins, there are about 15 maguffins. It’s impossible to figure out what the hell is going on or why all the members of Amy’s crew are getting brutally murdered one by one. And worse, it’s hard to care when these are about as phony as college students get. 35 year-old actors make really unrealistic college students. But don’t worry, the villain is revealed and is helpful enough to explain the entire plot for us along with the details for his (or her) motivation. The only way you could enjoy this film is drunk off your a*s or stoned. So take your pick but don’t see this movie under any other condition or you’ll have wasted your time.
