To David Evans (Director of Film):
My name is Michael Ferraro and I am a journalist of the film world. While reading some various news stories today, I came across a little piece about an upcoming production that excited me more than anything has in a while. It was a notice about the apparent prequel of Tom Shadyac’s 1994 Tone Loc classic, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. The best part of the article, Mr. Evans, was where said film is going to be shot.
I’ve lived in Orlando, FL, for just over 8 years. Aside from the glorious Florida Film Festival and the Enzian Theater, this town is probably the most culture-less city in all of America. It’s just about shy of awful. There is no sense of history here or struggle. This town exists only because of Mr. Walt Disney and that’s it. Somehow, people ended up getting trapped here, and now here we are.
But then I found out that Ace Ventura 3 is scheduled to be shot here and my world literally erupted into a fit of excitement and unicorns. “Finally, someone will bring some sophisticated culture to this city! I have to get involved… I have to help them in some way!” These have been my thoughts all day today, as I struggled to figure out how I, a lonely film journalist, could help you. It took hours but I think I may have finally come to a conclusion.
I, Michael Ferraro, offer my services to you for the purpose of being used as an “extra” in your new film. That’s right, I want to be an extra in the new Pet Detective saga and I want the world to know (or my 6 readers, whatever) that I am willing to help you in any way you need while you are here in my town. Think of this… I live here and I own my own car. You won’t have to pay for transportation or lodging. That might save you a coin or two, which should be then invested right back into the budget for this magical film.
So, Mr. David Evans, director of the original Sandlot, I offer you my time and assistance. I hope you decide to take me up on your offer, as it would really make my wildest dreams come true in ways you may never be able to comprehend.
Thank you for your time and I anxiously await your response. I’ve attached a still of my mug for use in your research of the locals here. Please consider me as an extra, you won’t be sorry.
How could you not want this in your film?