THE NEXT BEST THING Image

Now, if you’re thinking of killing yourself this weekend, you can feel good about the fact that you’ll be missing the debut of “The Next Best Thing”, the worst film I’ve seen this year. Come to think of it, sometimes a bad movie is worse than death.
Madonna and her gay best friend played by Rupert Everett get really drunk and have sex. She gets pregnant and they decide to have the baby and raise it together, but when she falls in love with another man played by Benjamin Bratt, a vicious custody battle ensues. The courtroom drama drags the film to a halt and its inevitable happy conclusion.
While the movie borders on the unwatchable, there is no denying that Rupert Everett is likable. In addition to being the most sympathetic of the bunch, his character has all the great lines. Which is not a surprise because Everett is listed as one of four co-writers on the screenplay.
Madonna was never much of an actress and what’s with the fake British accent that drifts in and out? Someone has to tell her something about that. I mean, Madonna is from the same part of Michigan that I’m from, this Brit thing is a total put on, she’s not fooling anybody. I also am sorry to have to tell you that officially, she is no longer hot. Now Madonna is built like Hulk Hogan only with a dot on her forehead. When a woman is so muscular she looks like she could beat you up, she ceases to be attractive. Oh well, if this movie doesn’t work out for Madonna there’s always the upcoming NFL draft. She’s pretty much always been a wide receiver.

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