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By Doug Brunell | May 30, 2003

For the most part, suburbanites are pretty goddamned boring. The four characters in “Still” are no exception.
The first few minutes of “Still” allow viewers to witness one of the most boring marriages on Earth. These guys can barely look at each other before they scuttle off to work. But wait! Something exciting happens! Oh, yes. A new couple is moving into the house next door. Overjoyed at having new neighbors, our boring couple wastes little time in hopping over and inviting them to dinner.
Okay, wait. Do any of you guys do this? When someone moves next door are you so tickled pink that you can’t wait to roll out the welcome wagon? This couple isn’t just boring, but they’re nice, too. I hate nice.
So, dinner commences and the evening only gets a little more interesting when talk changes from work at the office to the baby that the new couple on the block is expecting. We learn that the expected rug rat is going to be about a week late, but the couple has no worries.
Later, while obsessing over the neighbors’ baby-to-be-born, the boring couple witnesses the preggers couple shuffling off to their car in the middle of the night – no doubt on their way to the hospital.
Later on than that, the couple have returned home with a bundle in their arms, but instead of readily opening their door to over-friendly neighbors, who just can’t wait to sneak a peek at the brat, they hide themselves away, not sharing their newborn with the world, and when they are briefly seen, they don’t look too happy.
Alright, with the information provided thus far matched with the title of the film, if you can’t figure out how this whole thing ends, then you just need to keep on sniffing that glue; you’re beyond hope. Bummer is, the film is only half over when anyone watching will have no doubt to how things will wrap up. This makes the second half even more boring. The only thing keeping you going is the faint chance of someone having a homicidal outburst, or something completely disgusting happening. Of course, nothing so entertaining occurs. It’s a predictable outcome brought to you by some really uninteresting folks.
“Still,” it’s a parent-to-be’s worst nightmare…easy on the nightmare.

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