Film Threat archive logo


By Film Threat Staff | May 12, 1999

In light of the problems with “The Phantom Menace”, Film Threat has encouraged a variety of current filmmakers to pitch their ideas for the next prequel to George Lucas. Here are some of the responses we’ve received:
[ Director: Kevin Smith ^ Title: “Chasing Amidala” ] ^ Pitch: Young adult Anakin Skywalker is infatuated with Queen Amidala. She just wants to be friends, and doesn’t really swing that way. Anakin threatens friendship with wisecracking Obi-Wan Kenobi, who makes wry, unnecessary comments about future films in series. Ends in threesome with handmaiden Amidala and Queen decoy.
[ Director: Hal Needham ^ Title: “Sebulba and the Bandit” ] ^ Pitch: Jabba the Hutt pays Anakin Skywalker (Burt Reynolds) to smuggle a load of spice across system lines. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Jerry Reed) pilots the ship while Anakin pilots a decoy to attract the attention of local sheriff Sebulba who still holds a grudge against Skywalker.
[ Director: Oliver Stone ^ Title: “Q.G.J.” ] ^ Pitch: A young Jedi, working alone against the system, is determined to find the truth behind death of Jedi master, Qui-Gon Jin. Does not believe “single Sith theory”. Was Darth Maul a patsy?
[ Director: The Coen Brothers ^ Title: “The Big Kenobi” ] ^ Pitch: Darth Maul mistakenly attacks Obi-Wan “The Dude” Kenobi (Jeff Bridges) on Concorde Dawn. The Dude tracks down The big Kenobi to replace soiled rug, only to be sent on rescue mission for Queen Amidala. The Dude eventually becomes Boba Fett, the most feared bowler in the galaxy.
[ Director: The Farrelly Brothers ^ Title: “There’s Something About Padme” ] ^ Pitch: Anakin Skywalker talks Kenobi into tracking down Amidala ten years after “The Phantom Menace”. Kenobi decides to keep foxy chick to himself, starting battle with Skywalker than leads him to the Dark Side. We also find what kind of hair gel is required for the Queen’s elaborate hairstyles.
[ Director: John Waters ^ Title: “John Water’s Massive Manhood” ] ^ Pitch: After falling out, Anakin Skywalker (Crispin Glover) is determined to prove that he’s “the filthiest Jedi alive!” Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) displays his real light sabre as often as possible. Will only cost $5000 and be shot in Water’s backyard in Baltimore.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Join our Film Threat Newsletter

Newsletter Icon