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By Paul Goebel | July 10, 2006

Cause I just saw the biggest piece of s**t ever!

It’s called Dane Cook’s Tourgasm.

The premise of this show is simple enough…four comics go on tour in a bus and cameras document their journey. Now this idea is hardly new but admittedly it’s a premise that is always ripe with possibilities. Unfortunately, the only possibility for Tourgasm that IU can see is that it will very possibly suck a*s.

The four comics involved differ in their comedic styles and their degree of hilarity. The first is Jay Davies. Jay is billed as “the Newbie.” This is an unfair label considering that it already sets him up for judgment. The truth is Jay is no less funny than your average comedian. However, it’s clear that his role on the show is to be the virginal comic who has yet to be hardened by years on the road and the many failures that inevitably accompany them. In the first episode, he mentions how he is in a relationship with a girl and he wants to be true to her and also live a better, cleaner life. I, personally, find that to be a very respectable goal. However, there is no rule that says you have to be a little bitch in the process. Jay is so concerned with his “good boy” persona that he repeatedly gets into conflict with the other comics and then whines and moans about how hard it is to be a good boy on the road. Sack up, p***y!

Which brings me to my next point. I lost count how many times the word conflict was said during the first half- hour show, but let me make one thing clear. I GET IT! When you have four people on a bus being videotaped, they are going to argue. Didn’t Road Rules teach us that back in the 90’s?

One of the biggest instigators of these conflicts is Robert Kelly or (as the show let’s you know) Bobby. Because most people are unaware that Bobby is a nickname for Robert, right? I have seen Bob Kelly on TV numerous times and it’s clear that he is a stand-up vet, but while his comfort level on stage and conversational manner are impeccable, his material is pure horseshit. Fat people are funny. Why can’t we catch Bin Laden? Why am I so ashamed of being bald? (That last one isn’t a bit, but so obviously should be). I grew tired of Kelly right away.

The third comic on the lineup is Gary Gulman. I first saw Gulman on Last Comic Standing and have been a fan ever since. He is clever and his on-stage demeanor is beautiful. I can’t help think that he is on the show just to make sure that people laugh. I wish he had his own show.

The headliner of the show is Dane Cook himself. Now, I don’t want to jump on the bandwagon of less successful comics who bash Dane, but my opinion is he’s over rated — just my opinion. He has made me laugh before but for the most part, he doesn’t live up to the hype. The most annoying part of Cook, however, is all the crap he has to say offstage. At the end of the show, he and the other comics are standing on the beach in San Diego and he waxes poet about how “awesome” it is that at the end of the tour, they will be looking at the Atlantic Ocean. Nice sentiment and all, but it seems a little disingenuous coming from the guy who talks about using his penis as a catapult for shooting cashews into his mouth. Maybe that’s just me.

The most puzzling thing about this show is why it’s on HBO. Aside form the expected language; there is nothing on this show that can’t be seen on commercial television. In fact, the show is so blandly mainstream that it seems more at home on Comedy Central paired with Mind of Mencia. The ironic thing is that CC had a show like this called The Comedians of Comedy with Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Zach Galifinakis and Maria Bamford, but like most of their good shows, they refused to promote it and it got low ratings and was not renewed. If I ran TV, Comedians would have been on HBO and it would have made a much better show. But then again, if I ran TV, I’d be costarring on my own sitcom where Rebecca Romijn plays my wife and we just tool for 22 minutes.

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