Still can’t decide what to watch on the old boob tube? Paul Goebel, the TV Geek, is back to offer his helping hand. So grab that remote and let’s get started…

If there’re two things I love it’s cop shows and Ernie Hudson. I will watch Ernie Hudson in anything and I have. “Congo,” “Miss Congeniality,” “The Substitute,” “Airheads,” I’ve seen all of these crappers and loved every minute of them. Danny Nucci is good too.

“Cold Case”
Jerry Bruckheimer, you have done it again. The “it” I’m referring to is the cloning of one of your already existing hits. Only my intense love for all things forensic keeps me watching. Also, I’m waiting for the day when one of the actors in the flashbacks remotely resembles the “grown up” versions.

“The Lyon’s Den”
When I saw Rob Lowe on “The West Wing,” I was pleased to see that he was playing a smart and funny character for a change. Well, guess who’s back? In this new show, he plays the same old high minded, moralistic lawyer we’ve seen a million times. I don’t really see anything to watch for in this show unless you’re a single woman or a gay man and I’m not a woman.

“Las Vegas”
The glitz, the glamour, the excitement. There’s only one thing missing…the acting. Aside from James Caan, who is purposely understating his character, there isn’t an acting chop in the bunch. Nikki Cox seems like she’s been playing this character for years and Molly Sims is completely unbelievable as a young hottie who loves sex, and believe me, I desperately wanted to believe her.

“I’m With Her”
Gorgeous movie stars do not date public school teachers! I have taught in public school and the closest I ever came was banging a sophomore who looked a little like Thora Birch.

“Navy NCIS”
CSI+JAG=NCIS. No, that’s not algebra, it’s CBS’s plan for success. They figure as long as a show has initials for a title and copies an already existing hit, their work is done. Truth is, I dig this show, even though I giggle every time someone calls Mark Harmon Jethro.

“One Tree Hill”
It seems to me that this show will only appeal to people obsessed with basketball and/or young boys. I personally loved it. Now if they can just get rid of the basketball (get it, like I’m a pedophile). Actually, I found the show pretty boring and unbelievable; in addition, it stars Moira Kelly, who I have hated since “The Cutting Edge.” Damn you “Cutting Edge!”

“It’s All Relative”
Lucky for the producers of this show, the title also refers to a sense of humor. I’m sure someone will find Lenny Clarke and his myriad of gay jokes funny, but I’m also sure that person is the same a*****e who took up two spaces in front of the Toys R Us.

“Karen Sisco”
Here’s the deal, Robert Forster is one of the best actors to ever appear on television. Secondly, Carla Gugino has two of the best breasts on the planet. Three great reasons to watch this show. Four if you like guns.

“The Brotherhood of Poland, NH”
Apparently, David E. Kelly has finally given up on skinny girls. His new show features three fat brothers, but sadly they have the same problems as Ally, Bobby and the rest of the Girl’s Club. Cheating spouses, frivolous lawsuits, blah, blah blah. It’s nice to see Chris Penn working, but as big as he is, he can’t carry the show by himself.

Find out what’s on Thursday and Friday in part two of OUR MAN BEHIND THE REMOTE RETURNS>>>

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