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By Chris Thilk | March 2, 2004

This is one of those movies I wasn’t sure I wanted to see. It looked interesting enough, but there was never a full commitment to it in my mind. The ultimate deciding factors were my enjoyment of Mark Ruffalo’s performance in XX/XY and the opportunity to see just oodles of Meg Ryan’s body.

00:01 – Does anyone use typewriters anymore? When I was in high school the typing class still used typewriters but I have the feeling that’s changed. That’s a shame since I attribute what typing skills I do have to learning on a typewriter and not a computer. Of course, in typing that paragraph I made about 19 errors that would have been impossible to fix without the BACKSPACE button.

00:03 – It seems to me Meg Ryan is slowly trying to morph herself into Nicole Kidman. I’m currently working on a theory that they’re actually the same person who just wanted to have two completely different career tracks. I’m almost finished with the same theory for Kevin Costner/Mark Harmon.

00:06 – Best scene in “The Hustler”: When Jackie Gleason goes into the commode, washes his face, straightens his tie and comes back to the pool table. All of a sudden the movie turns completely around.

00:08 – Are there really clubs or bars where the bathroom is down the stairs, through a dark hallway and behind the storage room? Meg just keeps walking through the basement and I think she’s under a completely different building by now.

00:09 – The United Nations can prove its usefulness to the world by getting involved where it’s most needed – mediating disputes among a group of people trying to split a check in a restaurant. This is where the real humanitarian crisis exists.

00:12 – I liked “Notting Hill” right up until the end of the opening credits. For a Julia Roberts movie that’s actually a record.

00:16 – Is it possible to have déjà vu if you are suffering from amnesia? How would that work? Would the déjà vu kick in the inaccessible memories? These are the questions I ask myself.

00:17 – Good God the cameraman needs to sit down. If he needed a bathroom break he should ask for one but at least stop dancing around on one foot like that.

00:18 – And here’s the oft-discussed scene of Meg Ryan masturbating. Do you think she’s faking it? (I whole-heartedly apologize for that previous joke. I realize all “When Harry Met Sally” jokes are obvious and should be avoided, but I need to get that one in. Thank you for your understanding.)

00:22 – I’m a big fan of the show “Law & Order.” One of my favorite details in the early years was the American flag pin Chris Noth’s character always wore. That’s the kind of character development I really enjoy.

00:26 – Are there really people who admire hookers?

00:29 – I’ve attempted facial hair in the past and come to the conclusion that, much like advanced math and science, it’s just not something I can do. You’ve got to know your limitations.

00:30 – Since thinking about my facial hair handicap, I’ve been thinking about the scene from “Newsradio” where Stephen Root is showing Andy Dick pictures of himself from when he attempted a mustache. “Every man has the right to sex himself up however he seems fit, but you, you look like you belong in an amateur porn convention”. I so want this show on DVD.

00:31 – There are some shocking pieces of dialogue in this movie. I don’t mean this in a good way.

00:34 – One of my favorite old Andrew Dice Clay routines – the one about having sex with fat chicks. “She was so fat you had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. OHHH!”

00:35 – Not only is the cameraman in desperate need of some decaffeinated coffee, but now it seems he needs to learn how to focus.

00:39 – I’ve now seen Meg Ryan get taken from behind. “Sleepless in Seattle” will never be the same. Ever.

00:41 – Mark Ruffalo is talking about how his first sexual experience was with the Chicken Lady and now I can’t get the image of Mark McKinney out of my head. “Kids in the Hall” is one of my all-time favorite shows.

00:44 – Anyone else do things just to amuse themselves? For an entire semester in college I called one of the guys on my floor by a different girls name every day. Keep in mind this was well before “Scrubs” and John C. McGinley made this popular.

00:47 – How stupid can some movie characters be? Would anyone in the real world admit to knowing some of these people? Some of the characters in this movie just seem so disconnected from reality they must have trouble making toast.

00:49 – Cool. New connection for the next round of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon I play.

00:50 – No kidding. Some seriously dumb people in this movie.

00:53 – Kevin Bacon is acting awfully fidgety. Must have just realized he actually appeared in “Hollow Man.”

00:55 – Every line of dialogue delivered by a guy in this movie is awkward and stilted. Nobody seems to be speaking naturally and that really hurts my suspension of disbelief.

00:59 – I never saw the remake of “The Bishop’s Wife” with Denzel Washington but love the Cary Grant version.

Time for an intermission. Let’s continue in part two of MOVIES ON THE BRAIN: “IN THE CUT”>>>


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