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By Rory L. Aronsky | February 6, 2004

When I read the description for “Mixers” on the Brookwood Films website and came upon the words, “box of wine”, I instantly thought that it was a box filled with a few bottles of wine of different varieties. Shows you how much I drink, which is zip. Turns out (for those not familiar with this) that a box of wine is actually a bag of wine inside a box that has a spigot on the outside. Press it and you have wine.  

That’s one thing you’ll find at the small apartment mixer in “Mixers”. What you’ll also find is a huge crapload of double-entendres, enough to make you completely sick of them for a good many years. Is it enough that for 5 minutes, we have to hear them over and over and over again? It all starts with Tony (Eddie McClure) who hears about Debbie (Mau Barclay) and her job, which is described through many double-entendres which gain the ears of Amanda (Nicola Graham), an uptight bitch, and Gretchen (Maria Sibrian), who’s a bit on the ditzy side, but very cute and hot. At first, Gretchen’s feeling up against Tony, and Amanda looks like she could use some time on the can with that constipated look of hers. But soon enough, they’re reduced to nothing but standing around and reacting to what’s being said about Debbie. Yeah, at first I thought she was member #27349575664923021722 of the oldest profession in the world, with all her talk about being tired from all the jobs he’s done, but as expected, the job is furthest from Hookerville.  

And what’s up with the landlord? His name’s Rashan (Ron Mohl) and right off the bat, we know he’s gay, but he’s so ANNOYING. Even the “Queer Eye” guys display a little more tact (except for Carson at times) than what we’ve got here. There’s a scene where Tony asks Rashan about the guy in the swimming pool (credited as “Pool Guy”, played by Chase White) and Rashan says that whenever he asks him about the rent, Pool Guy always blows Rashan off and that’s why he lets him stay. I got that right away, but considering that these people seem to be living in Southern California, Rashan couldn’t find better? Apparently, the rent must be at a high rate if Rashan doesn’t mind Pool Guy’s refusal to pay it.  

This apartment mixer is weak at times, though a good idea would be to create other fictitious apartment mixers. With a format like this, there’s no limit to what kind of characters could be residing at these places. One mixer could have a hypersexual woman, a suicidal mortician, a female clown/hooker, the owner of an adult video store, and a soccer Mom. The possibilities can be endless, depending on how it’s crafted, of course.

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