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MASSACRE (DVD)

By Chris Parcellin | February 21, 2003

I approached this DVD with a lot of curiosity. The blurb on the back mentioned something about “six gorgeous models” having a weekend of fun-in-the-sun that went horribly wrong. Six gorgeous models? It sounded like something I needed to check out. I had visions of multiple Victoria’s Secret style chicks doing some carefree romping in some campground. Unfortunately, as it turns out, three of the “models” are guys—and by the way, none of these people look like any models I ever saw. Not unless they were modeling for the “before” photo in a liposuction brochure.
The movie itself was not exactly gripping. The first fifty minutes or so mostly featured our young heroes aimlessly frolicking in the woods–with little or no sign of a plot anywhere to be found. Finally, fifty-three minutes into the movie, the reason why we were supposed to be watching this meandering keg party begins to rear its ugly head. It involves model Jeff (writer, director and star Joseph Clark) suddenly transforming from a bland nice guy into a bland homicidal looney—complete with chainsaw, hammer and axe. Or is he? The script tries to throw us a real curveball and surprise us with the old “switch-a-roo” when Jeff turns out to be just a hallucinatory jackass. It doesn’t work, and by that time–it’s really too little too late.
I think the lesson to be learned here is you don’t wait until almost an hour into what is, basically, a slasher movie to get to the killings. Or if you do, you’d better have some pretty damn compelling content to hold the audience’s attention until you’re ready to let the blood pump out all over the screen.
DVD extras include some behind the scenes footage, and director/cast commentary on the feature.

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