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By Eric Campos | October 30, 2004

Mark Pirro’s latest offering, “Rectuma,” sees a human a*s form a mind of its own, detaching itself from its host, and growing to a monstrous size to wage war on Los Angeles with a gaseous wrath. Nope, after 20 years Mark Pirro hasn’t gone soft on us.

So what brought about the story of a giant a*s attacking Los Angeles? Do you have anal phobia?
With all the problems Los Angeles has been facing over the last few years, what with all the a******s running things, I thought it was time to take the problem literally. Actually, I’ve always thought a***s are funny (male a***s anyway).

Do you think Rectuma would go over well in Tokyo?
How could it fail? I’d love to see Toho remake it. Maybe a sumo wrestler in a giant a*s costume. The possibilities are endless. Rectuma vs. Godzilla. MegaRectuma. Rectuma Unleashed. They’d eat it up like Sushi. I think the Tashira character (who talks out of sync) would lose something in the translation though.

How did you get the ball rolling on Rectuma?
Just like any other film I’ve done. You start with a script. You re-write the script. You re-write THAT script. You realize it sucks and toss it away. You start over again. You re-write what you just did. You realize that sucks too and toss it away. You go back to the original concept. You re-write the original concept. You start thinking this is the stupidest idea for a motion picture ever conceived and you have no talent to write a movie. Then you think about the Matrix sequels, Star Wars prequels, and anything produced from 70s television shows. Then you realize that you’re not such a bad writer after all.

How did you round up funding for the film?
I skipped lunch for about three days. It really wasn’t that expensive of a movie to produce. In fact, if you knew the actual budget, you’d think I was lying. I’ll tell you this, taking out a small ad in the LA Weekly exceeds the budget of the film.

Did people shy away from being connected to a film about a killer butt?
A few. But once we weeded out the riff raff, we got a GREAT team of actors. The devotion I got was phenomenal. Usually somewhere during the making of a film, at least one actor will f**k me up. Either they’ll quit, show up less, or just plain be difficult. This was the smoothest shoot I’ve ever had. In fact, many actors would come by and help out behind the scenes on days they weren’t acting. That’s pretty damn cool!

When Waldo visits his proctologist, there are a bunch of posters on the walls featuring a character with an asshead wearing a turtleneck sweater. Who created those? They’re hilarious!
I drew them myself. That’s Randy Rump. We all remember “Timmy Tooth” from grade school, don’t we? Well, this is sort of the “Timmy Tooth” of Proctology. The proctologist scene was originally a lot longer and in an earlier cut, you were able to see even more posters. They said things like, “Randy Rump says: That extra tortilla will give you diarrhea” and “Randy Rump says: “The job isn’t done till the residue’s gone,” and “Randy Rump says: Eat lots of bran, keeps your poo firm and tan.” I see this possibly becoming a Saturday morning cartoon character.

What did it take – effects wise – to turn an a*s into a gigantic killing machine?
Originally we were going to use a real a*s. I have a very big friend. He weighs over 300 pounds. I thought his a*s would be perfect. Then when it came to pre-production, I couldn’t get anyone who would be willing to film it. So we went to plan B. Rectuma itself is a combination of many things. It’s a mechanical a*s, it’s the bend in my knee, it’s the bend in my arm, it’s computer generated. It’s never a real a*s.

So, you’re getting ready to do some midnight screenings of Rectuma at the Sunset 5 in Los Angeles. How have you been promoting the film? I hear you ran into some trouble with Adelphia Cable.
Yeah, we’re very excited about the midnight shows. The folks at the Laemmle theatre have been great and very helpful. Regarding the esteemed Adelphia cable…what can I say? I went ahead and cut three slick 30 second tv spots. They’re great. In fact, they’re on my website. So I make a deal with Adelphia cable to run them throughout the month of April on Comedy Central, during shows like “South Park” and “The Man Show”. I send them the spots and a check. You can’t imagine the shock I got when they called me up a few weeks later and told me that the spots were ‘inappropriate.’ I thought they were joking. I asked them, “Do you folks even watch Comedy Central? Are you familiar with ‘South Park’? ‘The Man Show’?” There was no arguing with them. They wouldn’t take the spots. God forbid my tv spots should take down the level of all the “Girls Gone Wild” ads that are run on the network.

Everyone hates this question, so I’m going to ask you – Which of your films are you most proud of?
And everyone hates this answer, since most filmmakers will say the same thing. My films are like my children. It’s hard to favor one over the other. Each film has a charm and personality that I’m proud of. “Polish Vampire in Burbank” was my first child, and I will always have a special place in my heart for that one. “Curse of the Queerwolf” was my edgy, smartass kid who knows how to survive on the streets. “Deathrow Gameshow” was my first 35mm child and he’s the responsible kid. “Buford’s Beach Bunnies” was sort of my bastard child, made for an erotic film company that liked my style of humor. “Nudist Colony of the Dead” was the kid that had potential, but because it was shot with crappy, outdated super 8 equipment, it’s sort of the retarded kid who sits and drools at the corner of the dinner table and most relatives tolerate but ignore him. “Color-Blinded”, the first film shot in the digital age, is the mature one of the bunch, kind of like the one with the highest I.Q. Finally, Rectuma is the kid that went to college; it’s the smartest, funniest and will probably go the farthest, making daddy proud.

What’s your dream project?
I’d like to make a Jesus film, with alternate endings.

Last question – Do you know how to properly wipe your a*s?
Why diagonally of course.

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