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By Felix Vasquez Jr. | April 26, 2006

Apparently, stupidity and retardation is funny in America, hyuk hyuk. As is poverty and ignorance, hyuk hyuk; because we have very little of the aforementioned in our society that it’s just a novelty to see it on-screen. Hyuk. I’ve seen the “Blue Collar Comedy” tour, as I have “Blue Collar TV”, and frankly, I’ve seen funnier things come out my back end after a bad taco, and that’s a compliment. Why would I subject myself to the “Blue Collar” torture? I’m a sadist. I’m just a sadist. It’s why I’m a writer. Either way, though, when tourists from New York go in to the South and begin teasing the local yokels, they have this film to thank. Well–they have ignorance, intolerance, refusal to progress with the times, and this film to thank, but you get my drift either way.

For some reason America found these slack-jawed comedians funny and charming, and for some reason these men including Larry the Cable guy were beloved enough to garner a fan base. Oddly, an uneducated idiotic cable repairman was comedy gold. So, Hollywood watching as America embraced the stupidity–as they always do–decided to start a franchise. Larry the Cable guy would be the new Ernest. Whether we liked it or not. But the problem was this: Jim Varney was funny. Even in really, really bad movies like “Ernest Goes to Jail”, but Larry the Cable Guy, apparently a comic genius to some, is not. The extent of Larry’s comedy is based on and around mispronouncing words, and being a dirty slob.

Hollywood also felt the needed to give Larry, in all his comedic genius a catchphrase: “Git er done.” What that means, who knows? But, we all know it will have an immense impact on the American lexicon, not to mention the cinematic hall of fame. If Hollywood honestly thinks this is the American working class, even as a caricature—they’re grossly mistaken. Larry with the comedic subtlety of Woody Allen, and the quick wit of Groucho Marx, landed his own vehicle. If anything “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector” should be a lesson to America on what’s comedy.

Take notes writers of the nation: Butt cracks are funny. Picking your nose is funny. A man grabbing his crotch at an old woman is funny. Gay and handicap jokes are funny. Farting is very funny. Aggressive ethnic stereotypes are funny. In the tradition of Pauly Shore, and Rob Schneider, Larry the Cable Guy is also a health inspector, a pioneer for the working schmuck. He lets the working class off on small violations and busts the restaurants that deserve to be closed down. And his boss urges that he must shut down some restaurants that warrant shutting down or he’ll be fired. But someone is sabotaging the finest restaurants in America, and Larry has to stop them. And that’s the plot. In between are some of the unfunniest jokes you’ll ever see.

I’d love to meet the two people (i.e. morons) who actually found this funny, and really just smack some sense in to them. And then run them over with my car. Because, if “Larry the Cable Guy” is any indicator, Hollywood really has reached the depths of the lowest common denominator for the purposes of entertainment and filling their pockets. In retrospect, “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector” is more depressing, than unfunny.

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