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By Rory L. Aronsky | September 27, 2003

Wow, I never thought I’d see the day. Normally, when I take on a DVD of short films or Microcinema’s “Independent Exposure”, the filmmakers are many. “Just Kill Me” involves shorts made by Mark O’Connell between 1992 and 2000. Just don’t call them “films” because what we’ve got here are works done by computer. It’s all 1’s and 0’s here, and no celluloid.
Top Story Tonight ^ *** ^ Newscasters appear on the screen, badly faded, while the words they speak are constantly played over and over again, such as “sex”, “murder”, “stabbing”, and “drug busts”. The constant repeating is likely a way to underline what makes the news so damn popular among the few, the tired, and the really-pissed-off-after-a-long-day-of-work.
Walk ^ ***1/2 ^ A narrator, with a voice that sounds like part of the coffee house crowd, tells us that he decided to take a walk one day. Along the way, he saw a skeleton couple waving at him, an ape playing bagpipes by the bookstore, and a guy playing the guitar with a few spoons. However, once the eagle on the mail truck started twitching, he knew it was time to call it quits. The visuals, such as a crazy-looking guy who dug a hole in the street and dropped dynamite into it, make “Walk” even more appealing.
Peep ^ *** ^ Strippers, dominatrixes, women in thongs, gyrating a***s…do I have your attention now? Eye graphics constantly dot the action while many sexy happenings go on. You don’t get the full color of the situation, but it’s still ok.
Beach ^ **1/2 ^ Fish swim around on the screen while various bits of pop culture pop up for a few brief seconds. I think this might also have included Betty Boop looking psycho-ish.
Boy… ^ **1/2 ^ A boy wakes up numerous times and goes to his window to look outside, while aliens, Carmen Miranda, rockets, and the Wolfman make appearances. And there are also dancing girls.
Motion Study ^ **1/2 ^ So bum shaking, blowjobs, and naked women might not be so bad in a film short. But at 10 minutes, it tends to become very sluggish, even with the slightly otherworldly ambient music, which I love so well. As to the blowjobs…motion study indeed, not to mention that various women get in the act.
Love St. ^ ** ^ A fighter jet flies over, and a woman gets choked at one point. That’s about all that’s really interesting here.
Long Ride ^ ***1/2 ^ A guy in a black shirt and blue jeans dances around for a little bit, while parts of his jeans become white at times and he even becomes wavy at one point. He also doesn’t have a face, just two big circled eyes and a watermelon-type smile.
Phoenix Thing ^ *** ^ Maple leaves float around before narration begins from a guy that explains to us that last fall, he chopped off his dick. A dream he has tells him “it will rise again” and he decides to drop his longwanger in a flowerpot and give it nourishment. We then see a hand pouring wine into the pot and a cigarette in the hole of the schlong. Soon enough, it grows to large proportions and even sprouts some leaves. Now that’s some good down home surrealism right there, that is if you haven’t run to the bathroom already, sick to your stomach.
Hitchcock Vs… ^ ***1/2 ^ A clip of Alfred Hitchcock, now sporting blue eye shadow and lipstick for some unknown reason, talks of a mouth that opened up and said nothing, but made a weird noise, which Hitchcock demonstrates. It’s not long before the competition begins because the full title of this short is “Hitchcock vs. The Martian” and the Martian is one of those from “Mars Attacks!” The alien responds with the same noise and Hitchcock responds and it goes back and forth and back and forth until the two digital images seem to melt into each other.
Atomic Titz ^ *** ^ This Mark O’Connell specialty is one that’ll likely be accessible to audiences. A huge pair of ta-tas fills the screen and bounces up and down, followed by the sound of a woman moaning heavily. Now here’s what’s really unusual and hilarious. O’Connell’s managed to manipulate an image of a woman giving a guy a b*****b to the point where the dick is incredibly oversized and the woman’s cheeks really bulge. Hey, I’m not the one being dirty here, I just report on it.
Capitalism Sucks ^ **1/2 ^ Clips of cops arresting people starts this one off followed by Sylvester the Cat hitting himself with a mallet and then the choppers from Apocalypse Now closing in on a city, not Vietnam this time. And then of course for this who absolutely cannot live without it…a gas tanker blows up.
Love Goddess ^ **** ^ You’ll find nothing here but sex, sex, and sex. I think I just heard the far-off cheers of many college boys across the nation. “Love Goddess” opens (pun intended) with a man sliding his hand slowly down a chick’s jeans and then more bedroom gyrations keep it going. There’s also narration about the action that takes place inside a woman’s ovaries, so for any of you looking for something educational out of this, there ya go.
Hooray… ^ **** ^ The economy’s booming, newspaper headlines are screaming the news across the nation via huge type, but for some, like the narrator, times aren’t really that great. “The economy’s booming. I guess it’ll be easier to find that third job, because two aren’t making it anymore,” the guy says. He also relates a story where he saw another guy driving down the street in a Mercedes-Benz and wonders how the hell that dude managed that. For a lot of people across the country and probably many of you readers, it’s very true.
Wire Girl ^ **1/2 ^ Yet another naked woman (I lost count during the course of this shorts program) appears here, pressing against some sort of wire formation.
Be Active ^ *** ^ Advertising is the focus here as many commercials are run over again that emphasize appearance, in ways to look attractive, and all that tacky crap. But the Three Stooges make a very brief appearance, and that’s alright with me, sailor!
Umbrella ^ **** ^ Rain’s coming in sideways and a sky blue umbrella with a Big Bird-yellow colored handle flips through the air. Later on, the umbrella becomes kaleidoscopic and at another point, the handle slithers a bit like a snake. I want an umbrella like that!

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