By Michael Ferraro | May 10, 2007

Every single time I go to a Rated-R film, I know what to expect. There will be at least one moronic parent in the audience who brought their kid. And I am not talking about a kid who’s like 10-years-old. Instead, I am talking about a kid that is young enough to have to be brought in with a stroller.

The last time it happened was a couple weeks ago. I saw The Condemned, an Rated-R film, starring some wrestler guy with Vinnie Jones. I wasn’t expecting greatness here but I am a fan of crappy action films.

The film was everything I expected it to be too, but near the 20 minute mark, however, I began hearing that “goo goo ga ga” s**t coming from the front area of the theater. It was hard to point out the exact location due to the darkness but it was clear that there was a little kid in this theater.

The best part about this whole thing was that this film has a rape scene. It’s not a very well directed scene but it’s done in such a way that you can’t help yourself from figuring out what is going on. I am even willing to bet a dollar this kid knew what was up.

What a great example of parenting right there. Take your kid to a Rated-R film so they can witness a rape. Awesome – parent of the year.


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  1. Concernedparent says:

    The problem is the sick society in which we live that allows rape in films.

    This wouldn’t have been allowed 30 years ago.

    People that consider filth like this entertainment truly are the trash of society. It turned my stomach and I turned it off.

    Glad I watched it for free

  2. Saimfeld says:

    You can’t say this about all kids, Mike. I have been taken in to see rated R movies since I was 6 or 7 years old. Of course, I happened to be exceptionally well-behaved as a child. I wasn’t half as rambunctious as the other children around me – especially compared to kids today who are on more mood-enhancing, memory/cognitive-increasing drugs than you or I could ever count and I turned out fine; (a little on the conservative side, even) and people in the same theater I was in still got to enjoy their movie experience. So, quit generalizing.

  3. Mike Ferraro says:

    That’s what I am talking about. I don’t care if you have kids. Just think of those around you is all.

  4. Dave Lawler says:

    Well the condom is a bit harsh. It took 2 years of my life and 9 months of my wife’s back-aches to make her, and we meant to do it.

    We went to see “Grindhouse” for our anniversary, so we left our baby with her Grandmother.

    Needless to say, I won’t be taking my child to any movies, not even kid’s movies. It’s not worth it to have to deal with icy stares from all the dingbats on their cell phones.

    If I was to be caught dead watching kid’s movies with my daughter, I’d do it in the privacy of my own home, where I can hit the pause button, give her a slap, make up for it with some Mr. Softee as it comes rolling by, and then get back to the movie.

  5. Yeah but guess what? F**k those kids. I didn’t pay money to hear those kids crying and what not. I paid to watch a movie. Don’t want to pay for a babysitter? Well, next time you’re having sex, pull out or wear a condom. That way you won’t have kids and people can enjoy a movie (with a rape scene) in peace.

    And the kid I wrote about was indeed in a stroller. He was young. A detail I left out (stupid me) was that his brother was with him. He was probably 10. He could probably figure out what was going on. But I could be wrong.

    Nevertheless, leave your kids out of the f*****g theater. The other paying customers don’t want to hear their noises.

  6. Stroller age kids don’t understand what is going on. They are fascinated by lights and contrasting images and lack the ability to emotionally associated themselves with anyone outside of their primary caregivers. It’s harmless to the child to bring them to a screening. I think the volume of movies would be a much bigger concern than anything on screen.

    Besides that, tack the cost of a babysitter onto the cost of a couple seats and concessions and you are looking at a $100 night. Tell me how many films you’ve seen recently that are worth that price?

  7. Dave Lawler says:

    Hey Man,

    We went to see “Eyes Wide Shut” a couple years ago, and (since I saw it twice), there were god damn babies in the aisles on both showings!

    I was like “what the f**k?” and then I realized if you can’t find a sitter, just take the little bastard with you. The babies weren’t so much of a hindrance, and I didn’t mind. I wasn’t offended. It’s New York!

    Toddlers aren’t going to understand what’s on the screen. They barely understand themselves. I say this as a new Dad. That brings up my issue with the ratings board. Much of what we see in theaters the little children will not understand or even pay attention to. Even freaking “Shrek”!

  8. My experience has told me that people are dumb. This same kid will probably be escorted to a screening of 28 Weeks Later this weekend too.

  9. maybe she will learn and think twice before draggin her kid to see a movie she has not researched.

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