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By Chris Gore | December 10, 1999

He is the man behind such horrible movies as DC Cab, 8MM and arguably the worst film of the decade, Batman and Robin. What’s worse than a film directed by Joel Schumacher? How about a film written and directed by Joel Schumacher? He is the director responsible for adding a completely unnecessary Gay subtext to the Batman films along with those annoying nipples to the batsuit. He single-handedly ruined the Batman franchise for Warner Brothers, yet this big budget hack continues to work in Hollywood.
So what does the creator of Batman and Robin have in store for you now? How about the touching story of gruff ex-cop stricken with paralysis and a flamboyant drag queen waiting for a sex change operation! You think I’m kidding. “Flawless” features all of the things close to Schumacher’s heart: lace curtains, scenes lit like discos and themes about healing. Kill me now.
“Flawless” stars Robert DeNiro as a homophobic rent-a-cop who suffers a stroke during an act of heroism. In order to improve his speech, his therapist suggests singing lessons. This requires DeNiro to actually talk to the crooning drag queen down the hall played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman who is perhaps the least attractive crossdresser on the planet. The predictable plot plays out with no surprises. By the end, this really odd couple form a special “bond” and a better understanding of each other. Yeah, right. DeNiro does an admirable job, he’s always decent, but his performance is basically a rehash of “Awakenings.” The very likable Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays a pathetic character as usual, but not in a fun way like “Boogie Nights” or “The Big Lebowski.” There’s also a subplot about money stolen from the mob and thugs searching for the cash. Who cares?
This film is a TOTAL piece of SHHH-UMACHER! Try this one out — the next time you run to the bathroom, just tell your pals, “Hey, I gotta take a Schumacher.” Or maybe you just don’t give a Schumacher. I shouldn’t have to see films like this because you know what, I’m gettin’ too old for this Schumacher.

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