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By Jeremy Knox | July 10, 2007

Holy flaming flying shitballs, what a night.

I saw two movies today: “Woman Transformation”, which was a piece of s**t, but an interesting one. It certainly had a good premise. Three women begin suffering radical physical metamorphosis. One’s neck elongates, another begins to have her nails grow until they become talons, and yet another’s face turns into… ew. Well, I don’t have to ruin it’s only real surprise, so I wont. However, it’s so f*****g dreary and tepid, with music that sounds like what a dying cowboy would compose. What I left the theatre with was the idea that a guy like Cronenberg would absolutely kick everyone’s a*s with a movie like this. But he wasn’t at the helm. Andy from Dread Central liked it, but he was the only one. He did point out that it works as a body horror film, and I agree. But it’s not enough to make me forgive it’s meandering, pointless storyline.

Thankfully my second movie, Sion Sono’s “Hazard”, was brilliant. The director himself doesn’t like it. He feels it’s the least of his work, but I don’t agree with that. It’s an extremely well made romp through the criminal NYC underworld. It’s even reminiscent of Takashi Miike’s “D.O.A.” in some ways. It’s got that gritty, immediate feel to it. Sono’s story’s about getting constantly arrested for shooting without permits were also hilarious. He’s a wild m***********g guy.

Both film’s played in a this great older theatre that the festival used for the first time this year. Smelled like an old wooden attic and it had a carpet straight out of a David Lynch nightmare. Look…




Doesn’t that rock? 

After the movies, all of us went to… f**k I forget… some irish pub, for a LOT of drinks. I had three consecutive double rum and cokes myself and it knocked my a*s out for about an hour. Goddamn that ruled. Sion Sono was there along with some Japanese people he knew and lemme tell you that he’s not shy about having a proper night out. None of that p***y dancing or loud music. Just drinks and bullshit. What I like best.

Got to talk to my new best friend David Kristian about more music related stuff. Truly, this guy knows his s**t. I mentionned Philip Sarde’s score for Ghost Story and he was like “YES! That’s f*****g genius!” Who else would even have know who Sarde is? He also agrees with me that the score for Halloween III is vastly underappreciated.

I also talked to a fine upstanding Irishman from New York. Eddie McGee. You remember him, he won the Big Brother thing that first year it was on. A real man’s man too. Drinks liquor, just like I do. I liked him immediately. He’s the type of guy who’d cockpunch you if you gave him any s**t, but who’d always have your back in fight. Good man. When I asked what he did he said “I’m an actor.” Never mentionned Big Brother at all or name dropped, which makes me like him even more.

Excitement? We had plenty. There was this drunk a*****e from Toronto at the bar hassling us, eventually he and his a*****e friends left and we all started yelling swears at them in French and Japanese. McGee asked me how to say “a*****e” in French and I told him “Trou de cul.” He said it pretty good for a beginner. Sion Sono yelled too. God knows what he said, but it sounded quite funny and foul what with the way he was laughing his a*s off. More stuff happened, involving public urination, however I will not say more to protect the guilty party. Safe to say that said person is now a legend in my mind.

Anyway, tomorrow will play EXTE: Hair Extensions. Sion Sono’s J-horror movie. Sono is in line to be the next Takashi Miike and I’m not even f*****g kidding about this. So for once in your life be the cool kids and go see this film. I know I’ll be there.

Well, that’s all I got. I’m too damn drunk and tired to think of anything more. F**k you and good night!!!

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