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By Doug Brunell | May 13, 2003

Colin Farrell. If you’re a white mother of a teenage girl, the name causes you to shudder while at the same time making your honey pot overflow. He just does that to people … especially entertainment “journalists.”

If you’ve read any articles on the man, you keep coming across one word: rebel. Farrell is consistently painted as such in articles and interviews, though the reasons behind this label are a bit fuzzy. Most writers use the word after describing his drinking, smoking (Camel Lights, no less), womanizing and use of the word “f**k.” Drinking, smoking, cursing and casual sex? It sounds like Farrell is still in high school (or has become Nick Nolte). Since when did these pedestrian activities put a person in the rebel category? It makes me think these journalists have interviewed one too many Will Smiths.

If Farrell were truly a rebel, which he isn’t by even the most conservative stretches of the imagination, he’d do or say some truly rebellious things. Oh, he had sex with a hooker. Big deal. So did Hugh Grant. Oh, he says “f**k” and smokes. Ever see Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back? No, the truly rebellious Hollywood star (an oxymoron just waiting for legitimacy) would openly discuss his habit of snorting coke off the a*s of a twelve-year-old Haitian hermaphrodite. He wouldn’t be smoking Camel Lights. (“I care about me lungs.”)

There are few rebels in the real world, let alone Hollywood. These people — the real rebels — aren’t folks who get write-ups in the USA Today, either. They are often seen as bad people, though a certain segment of society sees them as visionaries. They are people like El Duce of The Mentors. GG Allin. David Duke. Karen Greenlee (necrophiliac). Crispin Glover. Dr. Randall Phillip (author of Extermination Zone, which includes the essay “I Wish I Were in a Concentration Camp”). These are the truly rebellious people of the world. Farrell is just a good looking bad boy whom we’re supposed to believe has a heart of gold and a penis that just won’t quit. And let’s not forget he knows how to curse.

Reading these many articles on the man is a yawn-inducing job, but there is a lesson to be taken from them: These days it’s easy to become cutting edge (and I thought it was getting harder). All you have to do is imitate the antics of a boorish uncle and have soulful eyes. Boom. Instant rebel. Instant star. Instant joke.

If Farrell wants to gain my respect (which I doubt he does), and the respect of others like me, he has to have some sort of vision or ideal. We don’t have to agree with it. We don’t even have to like it. But those of us who respect true individuals will appreciate him if he rises above the cookie-cutter trappings he has entangled himself in and becomes worthy. He could do something like produce, write, direct and star in a pornographic movie where he portrays a young John Wayne Gacy. Until he does something on that level, however, he’ll forever remain just another poorly played stereotype in the theatre of life. Cheers, mate.

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