A tribe of sex-starved, beautiful, busty cave women, in skimpy rags, battling dinosaurs in the prehistoric era? I’m there.
Surefire fodder for Tom, Mike, and Cro, “Dinosaur Valley Girls” is a hilarious bit of bad B cinema from director Don Glut, which basically serves up what it promises in the title. Dinosaur Valley Girls. It’s not a film to be taken too seriously, as Glut composes it as more of an homage to the old days of drive-in films. Tony Marco, an actor tired with the monotony of a mansion, fame, a gorgeous sex starved girlfriend, and a mistress, finds himself wanting more in life. Who could ask for anything more, eh? Well, for Tony, he desires much more, something more down-to-Earth, and natural—especially now that he’s haunted by dreams of a blonde cave woman.
“Dinosaur Valley Girls” is a film I remember watching in the days of the Cinemax cable channel when it was simply a haven for bad films, and much of the nostalgia flushes back with what is plainly a guilty pleasure that revolves around boobs and hammy acting, all of which are not bad to sit through. Glut’s adventure film is just novel entertainment that has to be enjoyed on the level of an Ed Wood, or Russ Meyer film. Glut has his head in the right place, and proves it by casting the ubiquitous Karen Black as the leader of the cave women, and the icon William Marshall as a scientist. Both actors hog the credits, and still give considerably wooden performances, particularly from Marshall who looks awfully sleep deprived.
Glut then seems to lose sight of his entire premise by dropping our character Tony down onto this prehistoric land and drowns us into this utterly bland war of the sexes between the primitive cave men and the alluring cave women who separated into their own colony after too much abuse from their counterparts. Too often does Glut take the page from “Cave Man” featuring many drawn out sequences of individual cavemen speaking in their language, while he parades the cave women endlessly basing their characterization around bouncing topless into water, next to water, and pretty much around water.
Glut’s direction is pretty eye-catching, with the predictably low-tech special effects, but then botches his film by forcing a plot on us. I never cared about this war, I didn’t care about the war fare, and I didn’t care about Black’s character Ro-Kell longing for her ex-husband. But when “Dinosaur Valley Girls” isn’t taking itself too seriously, it’s an empty yet entertaining piece of schlock with enough chest shots, and cheesy storytelling to keep the males in the audience watching at full attention.