By Doug Brunell | September 28, 2006

Another wonder from Low Budget Pictures swings our way with “Destruction Kings,” and if “Carnage for the Destroyer” is any indication, we’re in for a real stunner out here.

So what we have here plotwise is the story of a paranormal organization going after an apocalypse in the making–the Wolfman, Dracula, and, for some reason, Funkenstein. The paranormal organization will join up with a collection of horror-loving teens and go after the coterie of monster movie legends in an explosion of blood, mayhem, and enough dick and fart jokes to fill an MTV production.

A goodish proportion of the cast from “Carnage…” has made it into “Destruction Kings”, possibly because these guys can’t afford to pay scale for anyone else to show up. Hey, they’re not called “Low Budget Pictures” out of a sense of humility! Their opening scene is shot in a classroom, for crying out loud. They’ll even make fun of that later.

That and I find it really outlandish that anyone would shoot an entire movie based on an idea by Debbie Rochon. Does it smack of desperation? Drooling fanboy idiocy? …desperation? I really can’t tell you.

But with that, I have to admit, Seaver and company can really put a plot together. Where else are you going to get a movie involving paranormal investigating anthropoidal apes (Teen Ape. He’s really a character. There’s a guy in an gorilla mask with gloves that look vaguely simian and his name is Teen Ape. I’m really not kidding on this one.) and a guy (Mr. Bonejack) who both looks and acts like a baffling cross of Albert Einstein and Don King after severe doses of crack.

Farting for no apparent reason, bizarre sexual references, jokes like no tomorrow, sudden and inexplicable violence–vaguely familiar sets, vaguely familiar characters, vaguely familiar costumes–this is what you can expect from Chris Seaver, and this is what “Destruction Kings” will offer you.

“Destruction Kings” will even mock its own plot holes! Check out the joy at sixteen minutes even as the bad guys remark that they’ve been in the car for an awfully long time. They’ll mock their props, their characters (that guy playing the Wolfman really does look kinda like Matt Stone!), their entire plot, everything!

The ending features blood, mayhem, bloody mayhem, and bad guy banter gone horribly, horribly wrong. Oh yeah…and one of our characters will channel Bill Cosby! Guess who!

The special features include cast and crew commentary, a photo montage, an outtake reel, a featurette called “Debbie Rochon: Twenty Five Years With LBP”, and trailers for “Destruction Kings”, “Carnage for the Destroyer”, “Bonesetter Returns”, “Dawn”, and “Project: Valkyrie”.

All in all, “Destruction Kings” is, for better or for worse, exactly what we’ve come to expect from Chris Seaver and company. And chances are, you’ll enjoy textbook Seaver.

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