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By Michael Ferraro | May 15, 2006

I can’t begin to describe my love for cinema, but being a film critic, sometimes people have these preconceived notions about what my taste for movies must be. Some think that I am “that guy who hates all movies” just because I think Spider-man is one of the worst films ever made in the history of motion pictures. But I am not “that guy”. Really. If I am, how come there is a copy of 2 Fast 2 Furious on my DVD shelf next to my copy of Rashomon and Once Upon A Time In The West? Even though it’s on my shelf, I’d never want to see that movie on Turner Classic Movies. I know better than that.

Unfortunately for millions of cable viewers out there in television land, one of our channels does not know better. AMC (an acronym that once stood for “”American Movie Classics” but now it probably means “”American Movie Cornucopia-of-garbage”) is a station I once looked up to but it’s no big secret that the channel hit rock bottom long ago. I don’t remember exactly when it started. Who is their programming director? Two Weeks Notice“? I’d actually break up with a girl if she had that on her shelf (some films are that unforgivable).

I had strep throat last week and it hurt like nothing I could imagine. My throat felt like something Cannibal Corpse once sang about”¦ something about being force-fed broken glass. Then I had to get a shot in my bum and that felt like someone was shooting fire in my cheek. So I stayed at home for a few days and watched some television and that’s when I noticed just how bad things got since the days when AMC showed Predator like it was about to be abolished from the Earth.

They grew tired of Schwarzenegger, and even grew tired of Glover too (as they also showed Predator 2 a couple of times if I recall correctly). As I sat there on my couch, bum still hurting from the shot, I glanced through the guide on my television at all the movies scheduled to play on AMC over the next few days.

I was shocked and awed at some of the titles. Among them, these straight-to-video Universal sequels:

  • Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice
  • Skulls 2
  • Tremors 3: Back to Perfection

Other sequels were there too:

  • Home Alone 3
  • House II: The Second Story
  • Jaws 3
  • Jaws: The Revenge
  • The Godfather III

They did however; try to enlighten a few minds of original films that were later remade:

  • The Flight of the Phoenix
  • The Poseidon Adventure

“¦but then they ruined their attempts by showing one awful remake and one somewhat decent remake:

  • The In Laws (2003)
  • Insomnia (2002)

Other titles worthy of mentioning in the “”not-so-classic” category:

  • Home Alone 3
  • Gothika
  • The Caveman’s Valentine
  • Never Say Never Again
  • Murder By Numbers
  • Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins”¦

How did it come to this? Is there really that much of a television demand for Slap Shot 2? It has a Baldwin brother in it for Pete’s sake.


This channel must be stopped. It must be destroyed, erased from existence. Or maybe, someone will get smart and fire AMC’s program director. Unless it’s an evil robot that destroys anything in it’s path.

If that’s the case, I guess no one will have to worry about missing Teen Wolf 3 when the time comes to end that trilogy.

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  1. Ryan Thompson says:

    Does anybody have AMC’s phone number? They keep changing it.

  2. johnny villeneuve says:

    This channel is a joke. When we first started getting it here (in Canada), I thought, ‘Great, More movies!’ Then after a day or two, I’m scratching my head…What in the hell’s going on? The movies are cut to hell; constant, unnecessary interruptions, showing the same foolish crap over and over; and this network doesn’t even have sponsors! What are you people thinking?? I stopped watching…and so have many others around here.

  3. Queen of Screen says:

    AMC got crappy when the original host and Nick Clooney left. Fox has started their own classic movie channel, and Turner bought up Paramount and RKO libraries and rights, so AMC doesn’t have access to the great stuff anymore. It is just a shell of what it once was. There are some gems in their collection still, but not much. And, they should fire the programming director because there’s lots of films that are quality and could become their new stock.

  4. Michael Graham says:

    I was flipping through a couple of nights ago and came upon this jewel on AMC. Pinata: Survivor Island. How do movies like this even get made, much less get on American Movie CLASSICS.

  5. gigi says:

    poor mike…i had strep throat last summer and it almost killed me. fever, bad muscle aches, couldnt eat, lost ten pounds in seven days. i feel your pain and hope u r better soon.

    i miss the days when amc was black and white classics. and not crappy ones…you could see “pride of the yankees” and then a capra film. it is hard to find that now.

  6. Rory L. Aronsky says:

    Better give him Remo, lest you get reamed for that in so many ways, Mike. 😉

  7. Michael Ferraro says:

    Home Alone 3 being mentioned twice was for the purpose of stressing their lameless.

    And perhaps I was a bit harsh on House II but I don’t think I can give you Remo dude.

  8. Mark Bell says:

    House II and Remo Williams ARE classics, dammit! And you mentioned Home Alone 3 twice…

  9. Felix Vasquez Jr. says:

    Hey, I have the most sophistimicated movie taste and I have a copy of Rapid Fire.

    Besides I hear they may change it from American Movie Classics to American Movie Channel.

    Gag me.

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