Just when you think you’ve seen it all, along comes David Mahmoudieh’s 7-inch… sorry, minute Snake Dick. It’s a female-empowerment-horror-comedy-1980s-throwback hybrid that certainly lives up to its title. Neon-tinged, tongue-in-cheek, and boasting two badass heroines, it resembles a hissssterical preview of what could be the weirdest, most entertaining film of the year. In that sense, Snake Dick does leave you wanting more, as it provides more questions than answers. But I’ll stop dickin’ around and get to the plot.
Jill (Poppy Drayton) and Julia’s (Sierra Pond) cross-country road trip comes to an abrupt end when their car breaks down next to a bunch of sex-starved hillbillies (Micah Fitzgerald, Ross Francis). The two gruesome excuses for human beings holler at the girls, make lewd statements, and eventually advance towards them. Little do they know, they’re dealing with two motherfuc*ing badasses.
“…the girls have special symbiotic powers…’the secret weapon to fight the darkness.'”
In fear of spoiling the film’s highlight – which, granted, is revealed on its poster – I’ll just say the girls have special symbiotic powers. “She’s got the snake. I’ve got the flute,” Julia states towards the end. “Alone, we have nothing. But together, we have the secret weapon to fight the darkness.” If by “darkness,” she means toxic masculinity, female oppression, and sexual deviants, then they’ve got a long way to go, and I’m not quite sure how far a serpent will get them.
I don’t mean to sound cocky, but I do have a bone(r) to pick with Mahmoudieh (apologies if my puns are hard to swallow). It’s a nifty concept; he knows his way around non-sequiturs (“I want you to squeal like a Chinese pot-bellied pig!”), the leads are great, as are the cunningly-utilized effects – but what’s going on? Are the girls on a mission? What’s with the fuming city towards which the girls drive? A little more clarity would’ve gone a long way. That said, if Mahmoudieh ever does make a feature out of Snake Dick, rest assured, urine good hands.
Snake Dick screened at the 2020 Hollyshorts Film Festival.
"…if Mahmoudieh ever does make a feature out of Snake Dick, rest assure, urine good hands."
