Patrick

I’ll preface this review with the assurance that I went into this film with open arms. I love my dog and have even written about him in my own leisure time. But, this film is arguably one of the most unsatisfying films I’ve had the disservice to watch. Dog films are never really all that good in the first place, with the exceptions of some darlings like Marley and Me, but Patrick takes the cake on how NOT to make a dog film. This Mandie Fletcher directed film has the markings of a Disney Channel original film about a side character and that side character’s dog.

Neither funny nor at all dripping of any sort of substance or drama, Patrick seems more like a rejected hallmark channel film, that was picked up by the head of the “straight to VHS” family films from the 90s.

“After being bequeathed her grandmother’s pompous pug, things in her life become even more mismanaged and chaotic.”

Sarah Francis (Cherie Lunghi) is your traditional romantic comedy lead, who can’t catch a break, and has simply lost her way. After being bequeathed her grandmother’s pompous pug, things in her life become even more mismanaged and chaotic. But wait, of course, that can’t be the plot! Eventually, her life begins to turnaround. Yeah. I’m sure you figured that before you even read it.

Throughout the film, it’s hard to even believe that these actors really even care about the story at all. Everyone seems to be just reciting lines, like some sort of middle school play. Frankly, with dialogue as dry and predictable as the tired story it draws from, you can’t even blame them.

The score, if you can call it that, is basically an mp3 file of googled cinematic sounds. The soundtrack was pulled from a department store, and overall, this left an even more sour taste in my mouth.

“…we’re forced to try and swallow an uninteresting romance subplot…”

For most of this film, you would assume we’d have plenty of doggy antics and pranks pulled off, but rather, we’re forced to try and swallow an uninteresting romance subplot that doesn’t at all feel organic. Most of the screen time is taken up by the human actors, rather than a dog, leaving Patrick to be called something closer to “Girl and Guy Love Story With a Dog Patrick.”

I was severely disappointed with this film. It might’ve actually killed off the last few remaining cells of joy I had in my heart for cute dog flicks. My only recommendation would be to take your greatest enemy or that significant other that you really aren’t that fond of, to see this and a double feature with whatever Michael Bay film they’re showing that week.

Patrick (2019) Directed by Mandie Fletcher Written by Mandie Fletcher, Vanessa Davis Starring Cherie Lunghi, Emilia Jones, Emily Atack, Gemma Jones, Jennifer Saunders

2 out of 10