Hopefully, the children are young enough, and the stoners are stoned enough not to notice how all momentum disappears during the tediously long middle section. During the storybook sequences, the actual plot is left with no development. The thin narratives of the clips might be cute, but they are self-contained, adding nothing to the human characters or their predicament.
However, the Christmas visuals of Christmas Thieves are in top form, with enough outrageous colors to meet Italian standards. The care taken to try to get Christmas in every shot is evident, with well-decorated backgrounds and the burglars’ outfits. Madsen in an elf costume is a total riot, especially since adult viewers are subconsciously waiting for him to cut off someone’s ear with a candy cane.
“…enough outrageous colors to meet Italian standards.”
The acting achieves a higher standard than what the zany material asks for. Typically I’m not too fond of the bumbling burglar trope, as the characters are almost always half-baked in conception and execution. However, thanks to the performances, Frank and Vince are some of the most dimensional bumbling burglars I have ever seen. Arnold puts his all into Frank and shows his chops in ways he wouldn’t have been allowed to in a stateside production. Arnold’s dramatic abilities have always been impressive, especially his harrowing turn in Gardens of Night.
Madsen puts just as much investment into Vince, making him the most well-rounded moron sidekick in recent memory. The actor utilizes an array of personal idiosyncrasies to construct the character, giving him a believable arc. I am always excited to see what American actors get away with when they’re cast in an overseas production, especially an Italian one. They appear to have more freedom to hone their interpretations of the characters. While this has historically been due to the language barrier, there seems to be an Italian tradition of granting more freedom to foreign actors, allowing them to cut loose.
This still doesn’t solve the main flaw of Christmas Thieves: Cinquemani’s feature is just a paraphrased remake of Home Alone, but with only one measly instance of the children fighting against the burglars. This makes the tension nonexistent to anybody too old or too sober to not go to the bathroom in their pants. So while this particular sleigh doesn’t have any plot tautness deer to pull it, it does have marvelous visuals, performances, and the manic unpredictability that is a hallmark of Italian cinema. But that doesn’t change the fact that we have a definite case of style over substance. To fully appreciate the weird artistry, prior to viewing, eat pot brownies until your lips turn black.
"…prior to viewing, eat pot brownies..."
