Cannibals and Carpet Fitters Image

A group of carpet fitters is sent on a job to an old Country house in the middle of nowhere. However, they soon discover it’s a trap set up by the savage, cannibalistic family, The Hannings. The carpet fitters are forced to fight for their lives or risk ending up being the evening’s dinner. Unfortunately, they are not quite your typical heroes!

Isn’t it always the way? A stately and secluded English estate off on its own, would seem like the right place to run for help when being chased through the woods, wouldn’t it? Of course, as one survivor running for help in the opening credits finds out, Cannibals can have mansions too. In the tradition of Shaun of the Dead and Bad Taste comes the new horror comedy Cannibals and Carpet Fitters. While not capable of achieving the comedic heights of those predecessors, this film offers plenty of glorious, splattery gore and a few chuckles to keep audiences entertained.

“…send out a team to lay carpet at an old, secluded estate, unwittingly sending their team into a cannibal trap!”

Colin (Darren Sean Enright) and Dean ( Richard Lee O’Donnell) are mates working at a carpet fitting company. Run of the mill place run by Nigel (Tony Nyland) and his daughter Jade (Laura Jean Marsh). The two send out a team to lay carpet at an old, secluded estate, unwittingly sending their team into a cannibal trap! Why would cannibals have a sprawling mansion only to lure victims? Are we thinking too hard? Please stop.

As the group of carpet fitters arrives they begin poking around and discovering that all isn’t right.  Aside from Dean discovering human fingers floating in the toilet and Colin helping himself to human nipple pie, we have others like poor Malcolm (Dominic Holmes) and Gillian (Jessica-Jane Stafford) getting chased, trapped, and cornered by salivating inbreds.

Things are kicked off quite nicely with the first kill in the group and a lovely sliced nose effect that is as hilarious as it is convincing. Truly that is what shines in this film. Yes, the performances are pretty meta and self-referential. They know they are being not only cute but far more pithy than one might be if they were being pursued by flesh eaters. That is after all part of the fun is it not? The script by Richard Lee O’Donnell seems to really want to entertain, but despite the situation, you can only get so many laughs out of it. It is with gratitude that we watch the chemistry that the cast has with one another as they bicker back and forth and run for their lives. They make the movie.

“…must throw accolades at Clare Gregory’s make-up team for their glorious use of crimson blood and practical effects.”

As far as tech specs go, the movie looks wonderful. Gerard Giorgi-Coll’s lensing is cool and clean, while the editing from James Bushe gives the proceedings some real punch. Again, I must throw accolades at Clare Gregory’s make-up team for their glorious use of crimson blood and practical effects. It really makes the movie.

So the question remains; Is Cannibals and Carpet Fitters worth it? Sure. I had a few chuckles in between the broad and predictable plot and the worthwhile effects. We know how this will all pan out, but we are in it for the gore and laughs. So, shut your bleeding gob and pass the nipple pie.

Cannibals and Carpetfitters (2018) Directed by James Bushe. Written by Richard Lee O’Donnell. Starring Darren Sean Enright, Richard Lee O’Donnell, Zara Phythian, Christopher Whitlow, Dominic Holmes, Jessica-Jane Stafford, Phill Martin, Mingus Johnston

5 out of 10 stars

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