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By Chris Parcellin | September 13, 2000

When I’m looking for vampires, I almost never think of going to my local stripjoint. Sure, you might call these ladies bloodsuckers for the way they can make a guy cough up a big stack of twenties after he’s had a few Heinekens–but most of them won’t actually draw blood, unless you pay them handsomely to do so.
So, in “Vamps”, when our lovely young heroine, Heather (Jennifer Huss), decides to make some fast money as a topless dancer, the worst you might expect is a few touchy/feely customers trying to give her free breast exams. But Heather’s problems go way beyond horndog dudes fiddling with her anatomy. It turns out that the club’s owner, Tasha (Jenny Wallace), is a five-hundred year-old vampiress who wants to enslave poor Heather in the undead realm of bad, low-budget vampire movies.
If you rent “Vamps” expecting to see hot chicks fanging each other on the neck and then getting it on–you can just forget it, pal! There are no lesbian scenes in the film. Which is most curious considering the fact that the back cover sports blurbs like “Tasha…has her eyes and wants her lips on Heather” and promises “sweaty, bare-all action”. Not true.
This is one tame movie. And who the hell wants to watch a bunch of conservative strippers?! Personally, I like my sexploitation dirty. “Vamps” has about as much sex appeal as a “Waltons” re-run. Maybe less, if you happen to dig inbred farm girls.

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