If this were a comedy, I’d give it five stars. Unfortunately, it’s not, so it’s lucky to get the one star I graciously gave it.
“Transit Angel” is about two angels, Faith (Maggie Rose Fleck) and Destamon (David K. Hart), who must fight on the Angels Battlefield while Faith tries to keep a man from committing suicide. What Faith doesn’t know is that Destamon has an angel-killing weapon supplied by Darkus, a “dark lord” of fire.
Faith? Destamon? Darkus? Angels Battlefield? Angels that look like a cross between the Crow and Neo’s band of merry gentlemen? Who wrote this? A ten-year-old goth? It’s bloody freakin’ awful!
Let’s dissect this piece by piece. The Angels Battlefield is nothing more than incredibly cheesy computer graphics of a bridge and something that may be flaming bushes frozen in time. The dialogue which accompanies the angels’ fight (and let’s not forget Darkus’ extremely over the top speech) is so clichéd and delivered with a performance that is the working definition of “ham,” that it can only be taken seriously by native tribes who have never been exposed to the wonders of civilization. They’d have to be eating some hallucination-inducing roots, too, in order to believe what is on the screen.
Then there’s the special effects, which aren’t very special at all. In fact, they are so horrible that this film is actually a step backward for all low budget films that utilize effects. Nowhere is this more apparent than when it comes to Destamon’s apparent demise. His “death” is the worst thing I’ve seen on film in a long, long time.
“Transit Angel” would’ve been a passable short if it didn’t take itself so damn seriously. Instead, writer/director John T. Christian produced something that will only be appreciated by himself and a small, like-minded group of his friends. They’ll all think it’s very deep and profound, but this movie, which is all about “having faith when you don’t have any” (great line), is nothing but a thirteen-minute exercise in how not to make a movie.
Darkus? Come on. You guys aren’t even trying.
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