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By Chris Gore | April 1, 2002

How many men have actually thought of this idea, you know, having two things? Well whether this has crossed your mind or not, courtesy of schlock film producer Morty Fineman, this concept is explored to the fullest, and I mean the fullest!
Gerry Bokas (failed comedian from the 1980s Gerry Schmidt) is a geek scientist with wild dreams. His assistant Cheryl Demers (Elizabeth Peck) is the object of his affections, but nothing seems to satisfy his nymphomaniac girlfriend. With the idea to win her over by doubling his manhood, Gerry takes the mad scientist thing to new extremes. His “experiments” end up more like bad SNL sketches when he invents a series of contraptions meant to get his girlfriend back. Only when he “splits” his thing accidently does she take notice. But, to both Gerry and Sheryl’s surprise, the two things actually have a mind of their own turning the rest of the film into kind of a Jekyll and Hyde comedy with two penises.
This charmingly bad B-movie borders on porn, which was actually the idea Fineman had when he set about to make “Two Things.” Fineman wanted to create a whole new genre of film — porno-horror. The results are truly mixed. Great concept, bad execution, but I will say that nothing is more creepily erotic than the scene in which Peck discovers she has two things to play with instead of one. I’d love to see the deleted scenes for that sequence when this hits DVD.

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