Ah, “The Hot Chick”… where should I start on this wonderful pile of stench? Oh, I meant the crack in my crack pipe. Since this is a review of the Rob Schneider vehicle “The Hot Chick,” I guess I will write about it and then discuss my newly acquired crack habit. Or maybe I won’t. Crack does make the mind wander…
“The Hot Chick” is a movie “starring” Rob Schneider about a hot chick who turns into an ugly guy and vice-a-versa or versa-e-vice—I can’t remember. Young, hot, sumptuous Jessica (Rachel McAdams) is a real bitch because she is hot and most people are not. It gets her everywhere and leaves her with no real moral qualms. I would tell the young women out there to take note of how Jessica acts, but apparently they’ve already seen this derivative muck. Rob Schneider is Rob Schneider as Clive, a dirty, unattractive guy who works at a service station. Soon, the two cross paths and worlds collide in high-humored high-jinx.
Jessica, you see, is punished by the Patron Saint of Ugly Men, and is turned into Clive, while Clive is turned into Jessica. Since this is a movie about Rob Schneider, we can just forget that the real Clive is off as a hot chick somewhere; the director, writers, producers and actors sure did, anyway. “Comedy” ensues as Jessica tries to be her old, hot self, while everyone around obviously notices that she is Rob Schneider. And, like the characters involved, we the movie audience also notice she is Rob Schneider and we grow quite tired of him. Rob, take notes from Ice-T and try being passenger on the ship a bit longer before you try playing captain, okay?
This movie is a 21st century take on the tired switched-persons genre, with predictable and obvious gag-inducing results. Having seen the Kirk Cameron-Rosy Grier twister “Left Behind” and the Fred Savage-Judge Judy classic “The Boy Who Could Fly,” I and everyone else on this planet have thoroughly learned that walking in another’s shoes helps us understand their plight—or hotness—with much more clarity. Rob and crew are just realizing something that was done well enough ten years ago. There’s a reason the switched-body genre hasn’t been flourishing since 1990.
By the time the credits roll, we all learn, of course, that it’s not easy being an ugly guy and that they deserve a break now and then. We also learn that being a hot chick has its downside as well, like not being able to look away from yourself and that hot body. Okay, I think one middle-aged woman in the crowd learned that. I, actually learned how to pull my feet out of my shoes while they stay stuck to the theater floor.
So in the end, am I glad I saw “The Hot Chick” starring Rob Schneider? No, not really! Am I glad I was able to buy crack in the back alley of the theater and kill any brain cells that recalled seeing “The Hot Chick”? Well, not all of those brain cells are gone just yet, but a smile is starting to creep along my face.
