Aspiring poet/film critic Jonathan Bloom penned this “Grinch”-inspired tribute for your pleasure:
[ Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas is its title. ^ And while seeing it this winter is not quite vital, ^ If you’re in the mood for some holiday glee ^ It’s worth it, even at its $8 fee.
The Grinch is sure to do the trick, ^ As long as you’re not expecting an Oscar flick. ^ The one thing that’s a bit of a crock, ^ Is all of the movie’s marketing schlock.
Jim Carrey slithers, sneers, and slips—ker-plunk! ^ He plays the role with a Seuss-like spunk. ^ And Carrey brings the role a certain clout, ^ Even buried beneath that big Grinch snout.
The Who’s, in one of the movie’s only flaws, ^ Look just like munchkins from the Wizard of Oz. ^ And while we’re at it, there’s no denyin’ ^ The Grinch looks like a green Cowardly Lion.
The other thing about the Grinch that’s silly, ^ Is that his green suit has no willy. ^ And one of the movie’s biggest crimes ^ Was omitting Carrey’s rap with Busta Rhymes.
The movie is true to the original with one deviation: ^ We learn the story of the Grinch’s motivation. ^ In a lame flashback, we see the reason for his disdain, ^ Hint: it’s the same reason he won’t need Rogaine.
Fingers, chest, back, feet, and toes, ^ Are just some of the places his Grinch hair grows. ^ In the lame flashback from school, ^ We learn his green hair made him uncool.
Director Ron Howard has only one delusion: ^ That we want a lecture on inclusion. ^ And really, what is there one can say, ^ Of Grinchy’s love with Martha May Who-vier?
Those who find the Christmas season a tad annoying, ^ Will take heart in the Grinch’s constant ploying. ^ The scene in the movie I found most fun, ^ Was the Grinch snatching presents, every last one.
Sir Anthony Hopkins’ narration makes it all tick ^ And contrasts nicely with Carrey’s shtick. ^ Taylor Momsen, as Cindy Lou Who, is cute as can be. ^ Can you believe she was only born in 1993?
So if you’re at the movies and don’t know that to see, ^ Trust this review: The Grinch it shall be. ^ It’s worth it just to see Carrey do his song and dance, ^ God knows it’s better than that boring Bagger Vance. ]
