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By Steve Anderson | July 5, 2007

Join me in a little thought experiment.

Start by picturing Willy Wonka. Wilder or Depp, your choice. Now hunch his back, shrivel him over, ramp up the sheer nutsoid factor by fifty and dial back the zest for life by fifty also. Ditch the candy and replace it with various bizarre deli-style products. Now take his Oompa-Loompas, stretch them to normal height, and paint them green. Your end result is the Good Food Guy and his cohorts, the singing Men From Nantucket.

But all is not well in Good Food Guy land– his nemesis and diametric opposite, the Bad Food Guy, is out to destroy the Good Food Guy’s good food empire. The Bad Food Guy has offered a cash prize of fifty dollars to whoever can get a picture of the Good Food Guy eating his own food products. In the culmination of this assault on the Good Food Guy, the Bad Food Guy will force the Good Food Guy to eat one of his own products. Live. On the most popular show of the era:

“The Stinky A*s Guy Show.”

Whatever the Spataforas are on, I want some. Check that… I want a LOT. Even after only ten minutes in, you’re going to see a whole lot of truly outlandish food and acting. Lots of truly outlandish acting. The Men from Nantucket are godawful singers, and can’t dance to save their lives. But that’s not why we’re here, is it? No, we’re here for weapons-grade lunacy the like of which we haven’t seen in a good long time. Weapons-grade lunacy like the recently introduced Good Food Guy product, “Almost a Hotdog.” “Almost a Hotdog” is a hot dog bun covered in ketchup and mustard. Thusly, missing only one ingredient, they call it “Almost A Hotdog.”

There are times, however, when they’ll take it almost too far. It’s enough to make you wonder if the Spataforas weren’t getting some help from a bunch of twelve year olds they had around at the time. Still, if you’re looking for low-budget inspired idiocy, then you could do wildly, wildly worse than “The Good Food Guy and the Doo Doo King”.

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