Of course, sometimes audiences don’t know just how lucky they are. This part of the annual list highlights films which are best left unseen. Strangely enough, the majority of the films for this year’s list are comedies. This is ironic, given that the filmmakers sought to bring pleasure and mirth and wound up inspiring emotions of a very different nature. Oh well, you cannot please everyone. Our 10 Worst Unseen Films for 2003 are:
1. JERSEY GUY
This hideous non-comedy about an immature nursing home aide’s improbable romance with a supermodel is so mean-spirited in its depiction of women and the elderly that it goes beyond just being merely obnoxious–it becomes intensely emetic. What is even more bothersome is the fact this muck actually got a distributor and a few theatrical playdates! Pity the poor folks who paid to see this junk.
STATUS: With luck, all of the prints and the negative will be destroyed in a New Year’s bonfire.
2. MARTIN & ORLOFF
This non-comedy about a suicidal marketing executive and a nutty shrink who nearly drives him to homicidal lengths literally dies within minutes of its opening credits. Stand-up comics Matt Walsh and Ian Roberts wrote and starred in this waste, and the frenetic overkill of the film suggests this duo have no clue regarding the basic construction of comedy sequences or how to act in front of a camera.
STATUS: Currently in very limited theatrical playdates.
3. THE 4TH TENOR
Rodney Dangerfield made a career claiming how he “gets no respect,” but in this feeble comedy it is the audience that gets no respect. The plot involves how 81-year-old Rodney falls in love with a woman young enough to be his granddaughter and studies to be an opera singer in order to win her love. Huh? Rodney, give it up.
STATUS: On DVD from Warner Bros. (shame on you, Warner Bros.!).
4. MUTUAL ADMIRATION SOCIETY
There is precious little to admire in this excruciatingly boring and terribly acted feature about a group of idiot slackers who waste the course of a day playing basketball, drinking beer, insulting each other, getting stoned, and being stalked by a weird clown. This was made in New Hampshire, which is reason enough to stay away from New Hampshire!
STATUS: Limited festival engagements.
5. GREATER SOUTHBRIDGE
Imagine “Roger and Me” crammed into “King of Hearts” and you have this shrill documentary about an economically depressed Massachusetts town which seems to be overrun with lunatics, derelicts and losers. The filmmaking is so amateurish that several shots display the video camera’s day and time code on the bottom of the screen.
STATUS: Limited festival screenings.
Get the rest of the worst in part two of The 10 Worst Films of 2003>>>