6. BLACKBOARDS
Iranian filmmaker Samira Makhmalbaf helmed this rickety tale of two stupid schoolteachers who try in vain to bring education to unappreciative Kurdish villages. What is worse than the film’s illogical story and amateur acting is its bizarre depiction of the Kurdish people as being either criminals or idiots; the film never seriously explores the long history of Kurdish persecution by the Iranian government, which keeps the Kurds living in a state of near-total poverty.
STATUS: Currently in very limited theatrical release.
7. WAIKIKI BROTHERS
This Korean drama about the decline and death of a third-rate rock group is among the most dismal things to sneak onto a screen all year. For those who wonder why Korean films and Korean music are conspicuously absent from global celebration, this film offers a lethal one-two punch.
STATUS: Available on Korean DVD only.
8. MOTHER INDIA It took 45 years for this splattery and ridiculous 1957 Bollywood epic to find its way into American theaters. With luck, another 45 years will pass before it returns.
STATUS: Currently in very limited theatrical release.
9. SPEED FOR THESPIANS
Three hammy actors present an unwanted version of a Chekov play on a series of New York City commuter buses. Huh? Incredibly, this irritating and pointless short actually received an Oscar nomination–which proves that it may be time to cancel the Short Subject Oscar categories once and for all.
STATUS: Currently on video for sale directly from the filmmakers.
10. THE BRONX BOYS
A group of very boring old men return to their New York spawning grounds to reminisce about their long-gone childhood friendships. A visibly irritated Carl Reiner is the supposed host for this glorified home movie, which may have been a labor of love to its subjects but it is a plain old labor for anyone trying to watch it.
STATUS: Currently on video for sale directly from the filmmakers.
DISHONORABLE MENTION:
CLEAVE, a sadistic, stupid short film about a man who kidnaps and kills his ex-wife’s dog; MONEY BOUND, a jailhouse drama that abuses every known prison movie cliché at least three times; AFTER THE FLOOD, a painfully verbose indie effort which should have been left out in the rain; RESIN, a stone-cold offering about a pot peddler fighting the law and losing; LUNCH WITH CHARLES, an unappetizing romantic comedy from Canada; and SHIRI, a Korean action/adventure knockabout where the free world is threatened by an excessively glamorous North Korean spy.
