7. SHARKMAN ^ This no-budget shot-on-video effort from Florida finds a nerdy comic book artist (is there any other kind?) who wishes for his superhero creation to come to life. He gets his wish…but his superhero winds up being a third-rate Jim Carrey wannabe running amok in a silly leotard costume. Where’s Stan Lee when you really need him? ^ STATUS: Not currently in release.
8. OPERATION CHLOE ^ The New Zealand film industry, clearly eager to join the world of junk cinema, exported this chaotic mess in which World War III is averted by an overage punk singer named Chloe who ends the military madness by singing…or at least we think she’s singing. A total assault on all known senses, this operation is a complete botch. ^ STATUS: Not in US theatrical or home video release.
9. BOY@NT ^ This wet fart of a mockumentary about a talent-free, over-age boy band is so thoroughly lacking in all departments that it becomes almost frightening to comprehend how it ever got made. It’s films like this which actually make N’Sync look sophisticated and mature. ^ STATUS: Not currently in release.
10. THE NEA TAPES ^ Shrill left-wing propaganda masquerading as a documentary which claims the state of non-profit arts in America is being endangered by attacks on the National Endowment for the Arts. The filmmakers casually overlook the basic fact that most non-profit arts funding comes from state and corporate grants and not the NEA, nor do they seem perturbed by the unpleasant truth that taxpayer dollars are ill-spent in federally funded art exhibitions which pictures of a crucified Jesus in a beaker of urine. ^ STATUS: Not currently in release.
DISHONORABLE MENTION: ^ YOM YOM (DAY AFTER DAY), an excruciatingly boring Isræli drama about a middle-aged whiner and his dysfunctional family; WAYDOWNTOWN, a quotidian Canadian effort following silly desk jockeys involved in an inane competition not to venture outdoors; BOXING’S BEEN GOOD TO ME, a humorless short about a clueless pugilist whose ringside ventures inevitably land in failure; JESUS AND HUTCH, with Eric Stoltz as the gun-and-handcuff-toting lawman from Nazareth; IN THE COMPANY OF AGENTS, a ghastly spoof of Neil LaBute with two literary agents playing nasty tricks on a hapless writer; CAMP SCOTT LOCK-UP, a tedious documentary filmed inside a girl’s prison boot camp; FIVE LINES, a lame drama focusing on five doomed people on the last days of their respective lives; and THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO PHILIP K. DICK, a cheaply-made documentary which turns the life of the fascinating sci-fi author into a thoroughly boring experience.
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