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By Michael Ferraro | June 7, 2006

Get your kicks in quick/They’re callin’ the national guard
Now could be your only chance/To torch a police car
Climb the roof, kick the siren in/And jump and yelp for joy
Quickly-dive back in the crowd/Slip away, now don’t get caught
– Dead Kennedys

I’ll never forget what it was like to watch the news after The Fast and the Furious came out. The media told us about kids all over who were killed because of street drag racing, and they were eager to blame this monstrosity of a film, even though, stuff like that probably happened a thousand times before.

Is it troubling to admit that when I saw these stories, I cracked a smile? People stupid enough to such things probably deserved what happened to them. No, actually, they did deserve it. There is too much stupidity in this world already, I don’t really see the problem in weeding some of the sources out. If this crappy film really inspired kids to race, which caused fatal accidents, The Fast and the Furious did us a favor.

While it has died down, I am still a little perplexed at this Da Vinci Code business. People in other countries threatening to starve themselves and so on and so forth. I want to do that – I want to make a film that would cause people to starve themselves. I want people to start riots because of A Michael Ferraro Picture.

Remember when people got mad at Dogma? But back to The Da Vinci Code… It amazes me that people are so eager to stand up and fight against something tackling their religious beliefs but won’t stand up against something serious.

Let’s take director Victor Salva into consideration. It is said that he, being a grown man, had sex with a little boy and video tapped it. He served 7 or 8 years jail time, but now, he is best friends with Francis Ford Coppola, as he has produced his Jeepers Creepers flicks. What does that say to writers/directors out there with actual talent but can’t find a producer. “Maybe if I have sex with someone under age, videotape it, and go to jail for it, Coppola will finally notice me.”

And Salva just put out another movie (Peaceful Warrior, based on the book “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman) and I don’t see people flooding the streets. People will probably go see it and won’t even blink an eye. But put Jesus into a story, people get pissed.

We live in a truly wonderful world, full of people with such ridiculous convictions. I could have sex with an underage boy and then get financial backing to make really awful films – that won’t piss people off. I can tackle Jesus or some other deity – that will piss people off.

I have an idea for a film. It’ll be a fictitious account of the resurrection of Jesus. He’ll come back and tell everyone that abortion is cool by him and that there isn’t a problem with gay marriage because, after all, marriage is about love.

That should piss people off. Especially in the States, considering the last election was shaped around these topics. I want to be responsible for the death of an idiot. Fat Steve told me this story one time about one of his ex-girlfriends. He wanted to end it with her desperately but the girl was so emotionally clingy that he had a hard time doing so.

Steve told me, “Dude, she said she’d kill herself if I ever broke up with her.”

To which I replied, “Awesome! Break up with her dude, we don’t need people like that anyway.”

If I was Steve, I would have broke up with that girl the second those words rolled of her stupid tongue. Killing yourself because the person you’re with ends it? That’s about as stupid as drag racing because of Vin Diesel. Steve would have done us a favor.

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  1. You’re too sexy for Fat Steve.

  2. Mark Bell says:

    Post-script to the story: I am Fat Steve’s ex-girlfriend, re-incarnated.

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